I am unimportant, one of many billions of people, alone in the world. No one seems to notice me.
I cry sometimes, mainly at night, probably because something in the day has upset me, tipped me over the edge. I don't do it very often, maybe once every 6 months, but when I do it lasts a long time. I think about everything wrong that has built up inside me and I pour it all out. I cry silently, I don't want to disturb anyone, my life, at that point, just seems to be falling apart.
Often I am left alone at home and I wish that someone would come to me, give me attention, make sure I'm okay, but no one does. I plan what I would say to them, in my head, but even if they come in, my preparation is never used. They think they are giving me independence, they don't know anything is wrong.
Sometimes I give myself therapy. I imagine being in a room with a physiatrist, talking about things, the psychiatrist asking questions. I tell her/him that I have imagined this day over and over, but it is different every time.
I didn't think I really had any fears, but after giving myself so much therapy I have worked out what I am afraid of. I am afraid of being broken. Physically, mentally, and any other way you can think of. I have always wanted a full body x ray, to prove to myself that I am normal, though I think something is wrong inside of me. I wish there was something wrong, that there was something different about me than anyone else in the world, it would explain why I felt so stuck out, I would use it as an excuse for everything I've done wrong, I would prove to everyone else that my life was harder than theirs. They would realise that I have had this problem my entire life and they would feel sorry for me, sorry that I had had to go through all that pain on my own. And they would realise how strong I am, how I had had to put up with all that and I still achieved so much.
I hope this would happen, I hope and wish that there will be some kind of meaning to my life, but there isn't. I don't necessarily need to have something wrong with me, just something different, something special, something that made me part of a minority. The main thing I want to be is a werewolf. This might sound strange, this might sound stupid, but it is true. I bet I have watched almost every tv show there is about werewolves, wolfbloods, shape shifters. I want to transform, runaway without my family and have one friend with me who I can confide in, maybe not straight away, but eventually. We would fend for ourselves. We would leave notes to our families, of course, explaining that we still loved them, but could not stay. I hope, but I don't want them to, still try and look for us. Our faces would be on the news and in the papers. My friends and family would miss me and maybe even shed a tear. I can imagine the rush of turning into a wolf, having super senses and strength and speed. If only.
