Let there be light (Jesus x Satanist)

Love your enemies (Jesus x Rain)

   I'm sitting here at the pearly gates, bored as hell (badum tss), and it's been what? 30 minutes? My bodies probably cold by now. aND I HAVE A LOT OF QUESTIONS TO ASK FOR WHOEVER THE FUCK IS UP HERE. FIRST OF ALL, HOW THE FUCK DID I EVEN GET INTO HEAVEN?? I WORSHIP SATAN, HEAVEN IS SUPPOSED TO BE  FOR  CHRISTIANS ONLY! WHAT IS THIS SHIT?? SECOND OF ALL, WHY WON'T THE GATE FUCKING OPENN??? I kick up some clouds out of anger and accidentally stub my toe on one of the bars on the gate. "fuuck!", I mutter under my breath. "this is bullshittt!! Why can't I just burn in hell where I belong??" I fall back in the clouds and huff, dying slowly on the inside. (even though I'm already dead shh)
   
   After silently throwing a temper tantrum I begin to calm down and think about how I died. I died from a knife wound. No, I was not murdered, I was just carrying a bunch of knives/forks/spoons to the sink when i slipped on a grape and fell backwards, resulting in a big ass knife going straight through my chest. I *EXPECTED* to be in hell, chillin' with the homie Satan, but now I'm stuck up here in this bright ass place and I feel like i'm going to be blind. Can you even get blind in heaven? I don't fucking know but this gate is starting to get annoying, Why won't it open?? I've been sitting up here for like an hour what evenn?? Maybe this *IS* hell..
   
   Just then a bright ass light flashes directly in my eyes (jfc i thought this place was bright enough already) I cover my face, this better not be no Emperor's New Clothes shit.
   
   "Hello, Rain.", The walking lamp speaks, his voice low and peaceful.
 
    "are you tRYING to blind me? WHO ARE YOU? HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME??", I pick up a piece of cloud and throw it at the human headlights in front of me.
   
   "Oh, sorry dear", the light dims, revealing a grown man with long brown hair and a beard. He has no shirt on which makes me blush a little.. he doesn't look that bad. Wait, what am I saying?? this guy literally tried to blind me a few seconds ago! You push away the thoughts building up in your mind as the hot man with a tight ass continues speaking.

   "I was born in a stable, I was a carpenter and a healer, some people called me a miracle worker.."

   Oh no.. it can't be..

   "My name is Jesus. Jesus Christ."

    OH NO.