Lost Girl ~ CaptainSwan AU (1)

Chapter 30: Lost Girl

Killian's P.O.V:

Her eyes are wide, but I can't read them. I can't tell.

"Well?" I ask anxiously.

She covers her mouth with her hand and shakes her head, handing over the letter.

I eye her, unsure whether her reaction is out of joy or of sadness.

My eyes graze over the page until I find the answer.

"You-"

"I didn't get in," Emma whispers, her head in her hands, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

"Emma-"

"It's all ruined. Any ideas to spend college life together, to go forward, it's all gone. Everything is gone," she whispers.

I think for a moment, watching her.

"You had it all planned out, didn't you? To come with me and spend the rest of our lives together?" I ask her, bringing her into my arms.

"Yeah..." she mumbles, letting her tears fall into my chest.

I sigh, holding her close to me. It's terrible to see her this way. Just moments ago, joy filled her eyes like I've never seen before, and now it's been taken away from her.

"It's alright, love... we'll make it work somehow..." I mumble, more to convince myself than her.

"I love you, okay?" Emma whispers, clinging into my shirt.

"I love you too," I mutter, looking down to pull her lips to my own.

And in that moment... I realize.

I understand.

I know what I have to do. And it might just be the singlemost difficult decision of my life.

"You remember that, alright? Remember I love you no matter what, and I always will," I mumble, our foreheads pressed together.

"Okay," she whispers in response.

"Promise me," I emphasize, looking deep into her eyes.

"Yeah, I promise... Killian?" she asks questioningly.

I close my eyes, letting hot tears slip down my cheeks before cupping Emma's gently. I caress her face, the light in my life, softly wiping away her tears.

"You deserve the world. You deserve to be able to do the things you want, see the things you want to see... explore new places, experiences... people. You don't deserve to be tied down, not while you have so mush ahead of you," I say quietly, caressing her cheeks.

"Okay...? What are trying to say?" Emma asks, swallowing thickly, the fear evident in her eyes.

I swallow back my pain, my longing to keep her my own forever. But that would be selfish.

"I'm saying... I think you need to take what you deserve. Those chances at new things and people. Being together by barely seeing each other while we're thousands of miles apart? Love... not only will it drive us both mad, but it will keep you tied down. And I don't want that for you. I don't want you to be stuck, I want you to be happy," I whisper tearfully.

"But I am happy," Emma insists, her tears falling onto my fingers. "I'm happy with you."

"I know. And I'm happy with you too. But I can't... I can't hold you back from the things you're meant to do, I can't be what stands in your way," I insist.

"Killian... please," she begs, shaking her head. "Don't do this." She falls agains my chest. I close my eyes, tightening my hold around her.

"I love you, I promise, Swan. Always. But it's time for you to be free. And fly with those wings without me weighing them down from halfway across the world," I whisper, my tears falling into her hair.

"If you love me then why are you doing this?" She cries, clinging onto me.

"Because I want you to be the happiest you can be. Even if it's isn't with me," I say through my own tears

"But that's when I am happiest," she whispers.

"How can you know if you've not even had the chance to try all the things you could?"

She doesn't answer.

"You've made me the happiest man in the world, being with you. And the memories I've made with you are those that will remain on my heart forever. Please, just... try to understand that I'm doing this because I love you. Because, Swan, you're my everything."

For the next hour she remains silent, holding onto me. And for the one after that it's the same. She doesn't talk, not to me, not to anyone. For a whole week.

Until the day I help her move her boxes into her dorm at NYU.

Writer's P.O.V:

They stand in silence, surrounded by boxes containing Emma's few positions. There's so little. Just the few things that matter to her.

Those boxes, like her heart. So big, but with so little inside. Just the few things that matter to her.

Just the few people that matter to her.

Emma looks up into Killian's eyes, and for the first time in a week, she speaks.

"I love you," she whispers.

One last attempt to change his mind.

Killian looks back at her, tears piling behind his eyes as he watches the same thing happen to Emma

"I love you too," Killian whispers, coming holding Emma close. Hope sparks in her eyes.

"Which is why I have to go..."

And the spark dies.

He smiles softly, caressing her cheeks as he wipes away her tears and turns away to leave the room.

But moments later, Emma finds herself coming up behind Killian, grabbing his arm to turn him around. Their eyes meet and for a moment, everything is silent. Their gaze is a fiery clash of green and blue, blazing with emotion.

Then she does it. She presses her lips desperately to his. Their tears leak down their faces, mixing with the other's. They hold onto each other, so tightly, so desperately, clinging to this one last moment. Clinging as long as they can until the have to pull apart.

"Goodbye," Killian whispers against Emma's lips, looking into her eyes one last time.

Emma nods through her tears, biting her lip to keep from sobbing as he leaves the room.

But the moment the door shuts... Emma breaks.

She stumbles back onto the bed, her head landing in her hands as tears rack her body.

She was back to the start.

Back where she began.

A lost girl, once again.

~~~The End~~~