Goodbye. {Yoonseok/Sope}

Goodbye. I would tell you not to feel like it's you're fault, and it's not, but I know that saying that won't make you believe it. Knowing you, you're going to blame yourself, and beat yourself up over this, but just know that it wasn't your fault. You actually did the opposite. You helped me. You saved me. I was about to do what I did today six months ago, a day before you came into my life and graced my pitiful life with your hopeful, sunshine-like, ethereal, presence. I can't say that you fixed me, but you changed me. You made me happy, you made me feel hope, you made me smile, for the first time since a long time before we met. You broke the unending silent tears and unending sadness just by standing next to me. Your singing was like a thousand Angels, putting me to sleep more often than not. I was hopeful when I was with you. You helped me through so many times, and this would've happened six months earlier if it wasn't for you. But I am broken, and can't be fixed. When you walk away to go to work or just to go in the next room, the world suddenly turns black and white. The colors and hope leave, similar to putting a filter over my feelings, only allowing the sad ones to stay. As you kissed my cuts and my scars, all I could think about was how I didn't deserve you. You deserve someone who can make you happy, not someone who makes you sad. You didn't sign a waver or a contract for this, and if you knew what being this close to me entailed, you never would have done it. Or maybe, you would, out of pity and the kindness in your heart. I can't ever express how much I love you, and I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry, that it had to end like this, but I am so dependent on you, and you did nothing to deserve something like me. I am hoping with all of me that you will read this, not just hide it away and save it unopened just so you never get the closure and reality that I am gone, and this is why I won't put it in an envelope. I've been planning this day for the years before you entered my life, but once you entered my life the thoughts went on hold for a while, slowly  making their way back in when I wasn't in your arms. As I sit here and tear deep into my feelings and deep into my wrists, my mind is full of you. Your pretty smile and beautiful voice. I love you. Thank you for saving me for a little longer, and I'm sorry that this had to happened. They call me j-hope, but I think that's ironic, you were the one who gave me hope, not the other way around. I love you, and I miss you. Goodbye.