It started all on a Wednesday afternoon. When I was 15 years old.
I was sitting in a chair, listening to my favorite music.
My mom brought me cookies, and at that moment my life was perfect. Just a moment. It was like I was in another world, my own world. It was crazy, but I liked it so much. It was perfect.
Next day I just had school, only seven days of school left till I had Christmas holiday.
I hate school, it's just rubbish. Why do we even learn? We forget it directly after we made a test. Well, that's not the point.
It was my fourth period, I had biology, arhg I really think it's the most boring subject ever. Well, okay, so it was the fourth period, biology. It was pretty weird, there was someone knocking on the door, apparently it was my mom. My thoughts were going like 'what the fuck, she is not supposed to be here, something has happend', I was like freaking out inside of my head. My teacher said I could go with her. When we were outside the classroom, I got a little bit calmed down. "What's wrong?" I tried to say as calm as possible.
'Y-y-y-your.....' she started crying. It didn't really calm me down. "My?" I asked nervously. "Y-your Dad... your dad has passed away....". She bursted out crying. I was quiet, then I fainted.
It was black, everything was black, I could only see black, I could only think black. I couldn't hear anything. I didn't know if I was crying, in my head I was. I couldn't move my body, even if I wanted to. I felt people touching me. It was really awful.
I woke up in the hospital. My mom was crying beside my bed, I tried to move my hand, it didn't work out....
My mom was really happy, that I had finally opened my eyes.
I tried to talk, that didn't work out as well. I couldn't talk. I couldn't move. I was depressed, very depressed. I wanted to share my mind, I wanted to ask so many questions.
I couldn't, the only thing I could was open and close my eyes.
There was a nurse, it was really weird, I was trying to explain everything with the movements I could make, with my eyes. This wasn't a stupid nurse, she asked me if I could move, I closed my eyes one time and opened them again. She asked if I loved my mom, I closed and opened my eyes two times. She understood what I was trying to say, I was happy about that.
I probably caught sleep again, because when I woke up the next time, there was something, but I didn't know what. My hand, I could move my hand! I was happy, because than I maybe could be able to write! To write down my questions. I still couldn't talk they was a pitty.
My mom was still sitting beside my bed. I think she slept in the hospital or something like this because she was always there. The nurse came again, she asked me if I could move already. I closed and opened my eyes two times. She asked where? And I slowly moved my hand. "Do you think she can write?" Asked my mom to the nurse. 'Maybe, do you think you can write?' She asked me. I didn't know, so I said yes with my eyes again.
It was very difficult, I didn't know how to write anymore. I cried, tears were coming down my cheeks. I couldn't do anything. I said no, with my eyes again.
My head was just full of sadness, this really didn't make anything better.
After a while (because I was already awake for like two hours) the nurse had to send my mom away. I still cried, I had cried a lot since I was here, I didn't know how long I had been there.
But I guessed I had been there for like a week or something now.
The nurse came sitting beside my, and she asked my if I wanted her to tell me what had happened and how I'm doing now. 'Of course I want to know, all the time I have been here actually!' I double opened and closed my eyes.
My nurse told me everything:
"Well, it was just a normal school day for you and than your mom came visiting your school to tell you that... your dad had passed away...". I remember something, I remember my mom saying 'Y-y-y-your...' and the rest of her sentence. The nurse went on "you were so overwhelmed by this news, that you fainted, first only your mom and school teacher were there, they couldn't get you awake, so they called us, we came and pick you up, and brought you here". That was probably the moment I saw black, didn't hear anything and thought black, the weird thing about it was that I could feel the hands.
Again tears were rolling down my cheeks.
"You've been here now for three weeks, and we think it isn't going very well..". 'What I've been here for three weeks already?' My thoughts were going everywhere. But she said, it wasn't going well with me.
I looked with misunderstanding eyes at her. She looked back and said: "we think you might have a paralysed body... and this maybe is for ever..."
Now the tears were unstoppable.
With the idea of being paralysed like this for ever was just such a bad prospect.
