The Monsters Within Us

harass.

His whispers felt like kisses, hot, wet, and utterly repulsive. I could feel him smiling- he's always smiling- as he brushes his lips against my ear.

"Eri. . .I love you. I love you so much. . ." His voice is so smooth, like silk or velvet. Like a ghostly hand, his voice caresses my brain, burying into my inner psyche. He sings some more. "I love you. I love you. I love you. God- I love you."

Something cold and dead wraps around me. His arms, his ghostly transparent arms. They cage me in a tight hold, fondling me like a blanket. I squirm to get away. "S-Stop!"

He doesn't listen. Saika purrs affectionately into my neck. "Your so pretty, Erisa. So, so stunning. And your so alone. . . Why is it that no one loves you?"

"Stop it, Saika." I try not to beg. I can't show weakness; not to him. He'll just take advantage of that and continue to sing, repeating all my sorrows like a mantra. "That's enough."

Saika hums. "Eri, why is it that no one loves you? Is it because you leave them? Like the parasite that you are?"

I screw my eyes shut. He licks my ear. It's repulsive. "Saika." I say more firmly. He seems to get the hint and detaches himself from me. A hearty chuckle floats into my neck and then he appears in front of me. In our psyche, Saika has taken the liberty to give himself a human form. He's no longer just a cluster of voices- oh, no. He is a man. A somewhat girly one at that. He's tall with black curly hair, red eyes, and a terribly attractive face. He tangles himself with my physical features and replicated it in our world, taking the form of a boy instead. When I asked him why he did that, he smiled so gently.

"You are the embodiment of perfection, my dear. No one alive wouldn't want to look like you!"

If it was supposed to flatter me, it didn't work. It only terrified me more.

He smiled at me, gently lifting my head from its place on my lap. I thought tucking myself in would keep me safe, keep him at bay. I was wrong.

"You're a parasite, Eri. You use people- you don't love. You don't keep friends unless they are beneficial. You hurt others, Eri. That's why you're alone." His voice was like an extra set of hands, clawing into my mind. "But that's okay. You have me and I love you. So, so, so much. So why don't you love me back? Hmmm?"

I stay silent. He knows. We share the same psyche; he is I and I am him. There's no way he couldn't know. When he doesn't answer, he clicks his tongue.

"It's that boy, isn't it. That boy with brown hair? What is his name again? Oh- Shizuo? He's quite beastly, Eri. Stop thinking about him."

The real beast here is you, Saika.

"Is that so? Hmm. . .Maybe. . .Do beasts make you flowers?" He held his hand out. Clusters of shining tiny blades, blades that look like cherry blossoms, gathered orderly to the palm of his hand. They mingled for a bit, the friction making a sickly grating sound, and sculpted itself into a flower. It was in a basic structure, glowing pink from the stem to the petals. He held it out to me, like a gentlemen. I took it apprehensively, scared of rejecting him. He smiled again, this time wider. He took his place next to me, wrapping his arms around my trembling form once again.

"I could do anything for you, you know." Saika said, a dreamy color lacing his voice. "I could even take a physical form outside our body- with the help of our blades of course. I can make you instruments: pianos, flutes, violins. Just ask!"

I only nodded, not looking at him. He hummed happily, nuzzling my neck. When was my alarm gonna go off. When was I gonna wake up- return to reality? I need to get out of here-

"Oh. . .I feel the train slowing down."

I finally looked at him. Train? I'm on a train?

He looked down at me and chuckled. "You look confused. Haha, yes. Did you forget we're going to Ikebukuro? You wanted to visit Mother- try to get her to get me back. That won't happen, Eri. My love is definitely stronger than hers is. Mother's desperately in love with humanity. I'm in love with one, very special, girl. That's you, Eri! I won't let us be apart."

His eyes shone an almost fuchsia color, excitement roaring behind his lens before he nuzzled my hair. I grimaced. Or maybe it was a frown. All I knew is that I hated this- I hated him. Ever since the Slasher incident a year ago, he's been pestering me. Keeping me up at night, entering my dreams (like right now), acting on his own outside my body and using his blades without my approval. He's damn annoying. And his constant love proclamations. . .He knows he's just a blade, right? It was tolerable a year ago, but now his voices are getting worse. More possessive. His 'I love yous' have turned into 'you are mines' and 'no one can have yous'. It's louder. I can't hear my own thoughts sometimes. And I'm getting scared.

"Saika. . ." I said softly. He made a noise of acknowledgment.

"Yes, yes. To the real world you go. I'll watch over you, darling. Don't keep me too long. I love you."

And then everything started getting brighter. I felt my eyes open, adjusting to the light. The moving subway was as calm as usual; people on their phones, reading papers, chatting quietly. All of the totally oblivious to the hell I'm going through.

I looked over to a couple chairs down, a mother with her child. Her child talked audibly, babbling about their day while the mother listened carefully. I almost smiled, nostalgia hitting my heart while I thought about my mother. About how was the most beautiful mom in the world. How I missed her. How I wish she didn't die.

Mother. . .

I snapped out of my stupor. That's why I'm coming back to Ikebukuro. That's why I'm here. I'm here to find Saika's mother and I'm forcing her son back into her arms whether she wants it or not. And there's no one, I mean no one who is going to stop me.

_____

Phew! First chapter done! First ongoing fanfiction- be nice, please!!

So, some things to clear up before I continue.

1- Eri's Saika is indeed a boy. Whenever they talk about Saika in the show, they refer to it as a 'her' or a 'she' so I decided to give this story a bit of a twist. (Please tell me if there IS a boy Saika that I missed. The extra knowledge is useful) I might call him Sai in the future to make it less confusing.

2- Eri mastered her Saika to move outside her body because he was so willing to teach her in the first place. They are mini blades that glow pink like petals. Think about Byakuya from Bleach. It's sorta like that but he never solidifies as a blade. (idea belongs to Tite Kubo)

3- Saika is supposed to have a love for humanity so I took it so it's like she has her own feelings. She rambles aimlessly about what she feels so I branched that off to give her her own personality and will. Ahem, HIM in this case. Also since the blabbering happens in the head like a mind control, I let Sai visit Eri a lot in her psyche.

Honestly, the thoughts are kinda glossed over. These are the best ways I can explain these so I hope it helped.

                                                                                   ~ophelia