sauve-moi || Brallon

chapter thirteen ||

Dallon's POV//

The show went good. It didn't take long before the fans all knew about Brendon and I's relationship. Most were accepting and the others didn't matter. A lot of people had 'shipped' it already so those fans were especially delighted.

I sat down on the couch of my living room, thinking about how the end of the too weird to live too rare to die tour was just yesterday. I had just finished our North American tour which wasn't any ordinary tour. I told everyone who I was, I fell in love with Brendon, and so much more. But now I'm just here on my couch alone.

After the last show had ended, we flew back to our houses that night. Brendon and I both flew to LAX since we live in LA but separated after we landed. We were being followed by TMZ in the airport as we held hands. They even got a shot of us kissing before taking our different cabs.

It was now eleven o'clock at night and I was sitting by myself with doctor who reruns playing on the tv going unnoticed. I couldn't stop thinking about Brendon and if our relationship would be as close without being together 24/7. As soon as I thought that, I saw my phone light up with the contact name 'Bren💫🎙' on it.

I picked up the phone to answer the incoming FaceTime call from my boyfriend. I smiled as the 'connecting' symbol faded away to show Brendon's face. He looked cute.

"Hey, Dal." He said, smiling like a little kid.

"Hey, Brendon." I replied, blushing.

"How are you doing, baby?"

"We just saw each other this morning, Bren." I blushed.

"So how are you doing?" he laughed.

"I'm doing well." I said. "And you?"

"Fantastic," he paused. "But missing you of course."

"Me as well."

"I'd come over right now if I could but I've got to finish the business stuff of the tour by tomorrow and if I don't start know I don't think i'll ever do it." he laughed.

"It's okay baby," I said. "I've got some stuff to do anyways."

"Okay, well I just wanted to talk." he smiled. "See you soon, Dallon."

"Bye, Bren."

I turned off my phone and set it down on the coffee table in front of me on the couch. The tv was still playing so I got up and turned the power off from the remote. I sat up from the couch and began to walk upstairs to go to bed. There was nothing to do so why stay awake. As I made my way up the stairs, I got myself ready to go into the bathroom.

tw// self degrading comments, bulimia, anorexia. be safe. my dms are open if you guys need anyone to talk to.

I hadn't even eaten much today but I still needed to throw up what little I had in my stomach. I only ate a pack of saltines and some water but I could feel it sitting in my stomach, taunting me. It didn't matter if my stomach was in pain from not eating. It was working and I was seeing actual results with my body. I was getting skinnier day by day.

I got ready to do my daily routine and sat down on my knees, leaning over the toilet. I had recently learned that I could use a spoon instead of my fingers to trigger my gag reflex. It was a bit cleaner that way. I only spent 5 minutes throwing up because that's all that was in my stomach.

I stood up and felt a bit dizzy. I grabbed the frame of the door to keep myself steady as I left the bathroom. The taste of vomit was still lingering in my throat but I needed to lay down in my bed before I passed it in the hallway and hit my head. I cautiously walked down the hall to my bedroom and immediately crashed into the bed. I passed out almost instantly.

**

I woke up tasting a mix of my own morning breath and vomit together. It wasn't a good mix. I got out of bed and went downstairs to pour myself a glass of water to try to get the taste out. I took a few sips and placed the cup on the counter before falling to my knees.

I gripped the corner of the table and weakly pulled myself up, trying to maintain my balance. My body wanted food but I just couldn't do it. I looked in my fridge to see if I had anything healthy that I could try but it was empty since I had only gotten back from your yesterday morning.

I walked over to my couch and slumped against the side. My body felt heavy and weak. My hands were shaking as I went to grab the remote for my TV. I turned the TV and didn't bother to care about what channel was on. My brain couldn't focus on anything at the moment.

I started to think about how Brendon would react if he saw me like this. He would say that he wouldn't want me to do this to myself but I know that he would just be lying to me. He wants a boyfriend who will look good next to him at the beach with his shirt off. He didn't want a tree-like person with no sm desirable shape whatsoever. I knew I had to keep this from him.

tw// anxiety attack, self harm, self degrading comments, etc. love you all.

My breathing started to get fast as my breaths got shorter. I knew I was going to have a panic attack but there was nothing I could do. Brendon was my anxiety reliever and he wasn't here. I remained sitting on the couch as tears came into my eyes. I was thinking about every negative comment anyone had said about me. I kept reliving my past moments of shame on tour in the bathroom and how much of a failure I was becoming.

I shakily got up and walked myself to the bathroom, barely making it there without falling. I knew where I had left my box of razors from before tour. I reached under the sink and grabbed my razor. I placed it to the skin at the bottom of my stomach and started to slice.

I started to bawl my eyes out and dropped the razor in shame. I hadn't been cutting. I promised Brendon I wouldn't but here I was. I was becoming a failure.

a/n: hello! this chapter had a lot of triggering events and I am so extremely sorry if any of these were offensive to you. please try to stay strong and be safe. Im not lying when I say I'm here for you and that my dms are open. I've been through tough shit. (excuse my language) and I promise I'm not going to judge you. thank you for reading this chapter and I hope you enjoyed.