A Single Stroke ✔️

Story behind the story...

Wow, I can't believe the story is over! Honestly, it was supposed to be done a while ago. Like I said in the beginning: this was supposed to be a short story. As in, ten chapters at most. But clearly that didn't happen.

This is not a true story. However, realistic events did inspire it.

Emery is a lot like me. I think Emery is a lot of us. Azaleah is also like me to an extent; she may also be all of us. Or maybe Brynn exists in all of us; that part that wants to save others.

I wanted to make my characters real. My goal was to portray all my characters as different people dealing with depression in different ways. Some you may agree with, others you may not. There are no good or bad guys in this story. Everyone has good and bad qualities in them. Well...some more than others.

The idea for this story came when I procrastinated on my creative writing assignment back in October 2016. We had to write a 500 word story that focused closely on a character who completely transformed by the end of the story. I always listen to music when I write to get into the mood, so just a few hours before class, I was playing my music when Halsey's 'Colors' came on.

Honestly, I had no idea what Halsey's song meant. It doesn't match up with her music video, but I fell in love with the song and really wanted to know what it meant. I googled the meaning but didn't find anything satisfying. As an English major, I decided to make my own interpretation of her song.

As I listened to the words, I decided to write about a boy who becomes "devoid of color." I wanted to define what that meant. I wanted it to be literal as well as metaphoric. Thus, Emery was born.

(If my creative writing professor could only know what his basic assignment turned into for me because of procrastination... And if only Halsey could know her song led me on this wild roller-coaster...)

Originally, the story was called "Washed Away." Crazy, right? Since I changed the ending, it definitely wouldn't have fit. (Emery's story was going to end hopelessly; tragically. But after everything I put him through, I thought he deserved something good. I wanted to show readers there is hope-there is.)

During the time I started this story, I also was dealing with depression. My thoughts were very dark and I felt...nothing. Honestly, that's a really strange feeling because you can't really put it into words besides feeling "empty" as Emery repeats several times. I didn't feel good or bad or sad or happy. So the idea for the assignment wasn't just from the song; a lot of my darker feelings led me to think up a tragically dark story.

My grandma passed away and a lot was going on at home. Nothing like what Emery went through, though! My family was amazingly supportive. But a lot of people who I thought I was close to left me during that rough time. I felt like I was losing my grip on the world. My life was changing too fast and I experienced things I'd never experienced before. Those experiences changed me for better or for worse.

But during that dark time...there was a boy who showed up out of nowhere. He totally changed the game.

This boy changed my view on guys and life in general. He was really sweet, intellectual, and creative. He was kind and understanding. He knew I was writing this story, so he supported all my ideas and other things I wrote on the side. He actually introduced me to Marshmello, the EDM artist, as well as EDEN. We shared similar music tastes. He made me feel better during my depression. Honestly, he was the sweetest guy I met in a long time.

When I wrote from Emery's perspective, I wanted to make sure I didn't rely on "guy stereotypes." Emery's decisions are because he wants to stay awake, not just cuz he's "a guy." Writing this story was also my way of trying to get inside a guy's head and see what they see; understand their feelings, try something new.

Well months later, I got through my depression. And the boy did end up leaving. Sometimes you have to deal with things alone, but that doesn't mean you won't make it through. I actually almost left this story behind, but not because of either of those things; this story just reminded me of tough times I wanted to leave behind. But I thought Emery's story needed to be told, so I finished it.

Again, this is the first book I've EVER written from a male perspective. I'm honestly really proud of it. I chose a male perspective because so many of my stories are female perspectives. I don't think enough stories are written from male perspectives, especially since guys also go through depression and can also be artistic. This forced me out of my writing comfort zone, for sure! It really pushed my brain out of the familiar and into the unknown. (Great exercise for growing your writing.)

Something similar to Emery's paintings being destroyed happened to me. The day after I decided to start working on this story again in May, my flashdrive that I keep all my stories and plans on got corrupted. That. Was. Awful. I only cried for weeks afterwards. I lost a lot of work for other stories and currently can't recover anything. Writing is my passion and I've relied on it my whole life to get through difficult times. But like an idiot, I didn't back up my files. Luckily I was able to save a huge chunk of my writing from copying small parts of it to my computer months before.

To whoever reading this, thank you for taking the time to read this story! I hope you enjoyed it. Please provide feedback and let me know if there's anything you think I didn't portray clearly or accurately. You readers give me LIFE.

Oh last thing: the picture above is one I drew myself. I didn't know how well I described Emery's classic Key and Lock painting, so I drew it so you guys can see how I imagined it. Obviously, I'm no artist like Emery! But I need my readers to be in-the-know. ;)

(PS: If you're an artist and enjoy making fanart, pleassseeeee PM me! I would love it if others drew or painted any of the paintings Emery describes. Maybe even his tattoos? I will read and give honest feedback on your story if you do, or if you don't have a story and have another form of payment in mind, let me know and we can figure something out!)

Again, thank you all for reading this! I love you guys. If you're going through your own storm, please don't give up. Tough times won't last forever. You are worth so much; don't let anyone take that away from you. You have so much to offer the world. If they don't see it, that's their fault for choosing to be blind. You are the color in the world; you are the paintbrush. This world would be such a gray place without you in it.

❤️💛💚💙💜🖤

🖌 Start: 11/21/16 🖌
🎨 Finish: 6/21/17 🎨