My Life as a Single Mom

It was hard at first. Everything was hard at first raising a child is hard enough but being

a teenage mom with twins was completely horrid. I knew people would judge me for being a mom at 17 but I didn't care what other people thought. People judge if you're gay or are disabled so I knew I was going to be judge as soon as I began to show. At first it got to me, I let it get to me and I would do stupid things.

I would get drunk and sleep with random guys because I thought if people thought I was a whore might as well just give into the reputation. I would also self-harm not caring if I was pregnant or not. I would slice my risk every time I felt anxious or scared (which was basically everyday). I figured if I did these things at least I wasn't hurting my babies but I was wrong, so wrong.

Cutting myself meant that I was in a deep depression that I was rejecting my children and as much as it pained me to admit at the time I loved those babies I had them in my belly for over a month they had become a part of me. Everything I did affect them. They relied on me for everything after all I was the one person in the world that they had. I realized how stupid it was for me to get other people's words get to me especially since they didn't know how I got pregnant. After all it wasn't my fault, hell it wasn't even my choice to have sex. I was raped.

Every once in awhile I think about that night it was the worst night of my life but I also think about the outcomes of that night. My two beautiful baby girls and then all of the sudden that night doesn't seem to be so bad after all.

I was 16 when it happened. I was a regular Friday night or at least I thought it was. I was in my bedroom dancing like a maniac to Good Charlotte's The Anthem. They're one of my favorite bands of all time and this song was definitely my jam so everytime I get bored I would just blast The Anthem. It was funny actually because my personality did not match my music taste at all.

I have always been a good girl. You could even say I was a goody two shoes I did absolutely nothing rebellious in my life which is why when people began to find out I was pregnant they were stunned. I was the type of person who never disappointed her parents. I got straight A's at school, never drank or did drugs. I was such a goody two shoes that I was allowed to skip a grade because of how high my grades were. I was 16 and a Junior. I would graduate at the age of 17 and be able to live the life I always wanted.

I had my entire future already planned. I would graduate at 17 from high school and start college right away. As soon as I could I would get a paid internship at one of the largest publishing companies in the world Random House Publishing. I would work in editing for two years and work my way up to getting a permanent position. I would then become Vice president of the firm my plan was to climb my way to the very top. It might seem boring that I had my whole life planned ahead of me but I didn't mind because that's the way it's always been.

Since the day I was born my parents put me in ballet class, I had to take piano classes. When I was eleven they even tried to get me to take singing lessons but that didn't work because I can't sing to save my life. So that's why I was in my bedroom on a Friday night dancing around like a maniac to Good Charlotte with no plans whatsoever.