A Toy With Wings

Fourteen

THE FUCK? THE FUCK?! THE FUCKINGLY FUCKING FUCK?!

My new codename is 'Captain Underpants', just like the cartoon character?

"EV-ASS-GELINE FUCKING YOUNG-SHITTER!" I yell as I chase after her, trying to ignore my agonizing arms.

Luckily, there are no bossy parents around, namely, my mom.

"EVANGELINE, I SWEAR, THIS HAS TO BE YOUR IDEA!" I yell as I finally catch up to her, and pin her down against the sandy roads near the caves. "YOU COMPLETE BITCH, YOU FUCKING JERK-ASS, DON'T YOU HAVE RESPECT FOR OTHER PEOPLE, I-"

Surprisingly, under me, Evangeline starts to grin.

"What? Is there something on my face?" I ask.

Evangeline smiles. "Jeez, I'm kidding. That look on your face is priceless, though."

What?!

"FUCK YOU!" I shout at her. I draw my sickle and hold it at her neck. "YOU PUT ANGELS TO SHAME, YOU BITCH!"

She just laughs. "Used to your swearing, dude. It's not even offensive anymore."

Oh, really?

I push her further into the sands with the wooden handle of my sickle. "How about this for a lesson, Youngspire; some people play verbally, but some people play physically. Sure you wanna play this game?"

Evangeline shouts, grabs a handful of sand and flings it in my direction.

I shield my eyes as best as I can, but some of it gets onto my clothes. "You stupid, hypocritical daughter of a-"

"Hey, I saved your life, and you're not even grateful, you scumbag!" she yells, scooping up more sand. "Guess I'll just leave you to die...or better, I'll carve the word 'loser' onto your forehead."

I pick up some sand myself. "Ungrateful? You were charging me for information, for fuck's fucking sake! Excuse me if I'm not absolutely delighted with your presence, you fucking stink bomb!"

"Um...guys?"

Evangeline glances over my shoulder, which means I should turn around. I do, and I see Kevin, standing behind us with his arms folded. His quiff hair is messier than usual, and his aquamarine eyes sparkle like the sea, bemusedly.

"I heard you guys. One, your new code isn't Captain Underpants, it's Travis Wharton, two, you never got any salve, it's Evangeline's idea of a joke, and three, you could have asked me or Jezebel instead, and neither of us would have bothered to charge you."

Fuck. He's right.

Fuck that, fuck my stupid brain, and fuck that bitch, Evangeline Youngspire.

"What's your new code?" I ask.

"Kris Highmore."

"Jezebel's?"

"Giulette Robinson."

"And my sweet love, Evan Youngspire's?" I ask sarcastically.

"Evelynetta Honeymoon."

Evangeline's new codename makes so little sense, I burst out laughing.

Evangeline looks affronted. "It's Evelyn Honeywell, Kevin Blackhunter!"

"My name isn't Blackhunter, it's Whitehunter!"

I roll my eyes. "Guys, chill. What else did I miss?"

"Well, we've already passed information to the All-Father about the spots we're supposed to check out. We're about to set off to confirm the suspicions about some volcanoes. That one, in particular." Kev points at a smoking one in the distance.

"Let's go," I say.

Kev smiles. "Wait. A healing potion for you. Heals up your scars completely in less than a minute."

As soon as I drink it, the scars on my arm start to fade away.

"I'll get Jezebel and let's go," offers Evangeline.

"Um...Evan?"

"Yes oh great and powerful sugar lips?"

"We have to pack up everything before we go."

Evangeline mouths the word 'shit'.

As soon as we can finally leave our station, Jezebel reminds us, "If they're real devils, we have to report back immediately."

"Yeah, yeah," Evangeline replies.

Of course, as soon as we have the guards distracted and such, guess where we run into.

We're in a huge room, dimly lit, with cages hanging from the ceiling. Almost all of them are occupied. I recognize one person, though.

"Bono Rabidgrip?!" I gasp.

Bono is disheveled, and there's a weary look in his eye. "Go," he whispers hoarsely. "This place is packed with devils."

"Great," I reply, and pick the lock on his cage. Almost instantly, he spreads his wings, and there's a small burst of light. He flies to the ground to join us.

"Come on," I say, picking open the lock holding a cage of twin girls. "Help me free them."

To Jez's disappointment, Amber is not among them. To my surprise, not every prisoner is an angel. The twin girls didn't have wings at all. They were just regular humans. I also remember seeing Kev free a boy with gauzy wings- a fairy of some sort. I hear that angels and fairies are on good terms. Maybe they can help us vanquish the devils.

Jezebel recoils at a dude with greenish skin and a pointed nose, a goblin, perhaps? And Evangeline argues fiercely with a girl with stringy blonde hair and pointed ears.

"What are you?" demands Evangeline.

"An elf, duh. What are you?"

"An angel, duh. Why are you so tall?"

"Where's the halo on your head?"

I roll my eyes, and speak to everyone. We are to leave in pairs and trios, in order not to detect any unwanted attention.

I am paranoid about being seen, but surprisingly, nobody is. The plan seems to be working. As Evangeline and I prepare to leave together, last, I somehow find a sword at my throat.

"Freeze, traitor," the swordsman hisses at me.

Shit, I knew this wouldn't work out!