Don't Let Me Be Gone - Josher |-/

Chapter 8

(Just a warning, the next few chapters are going to be pretty dark and a lot more depressing then the previous ones. There are lots of mentions -and possibly actions- of suicide coming up.
unless I suddenly change the story half way through, which is very, very likely. In that case it will probably be even more emotionally painful to read. Be warned.)

Josh's POV

I'm scared.
Scared because I could wake up any day and see Tyler dead.
I want him to be okay and I want to help him but I'm not sure if I can. I'm not sure how much I'll be able to help him, I don't think I'll be able to save Tyler from Blurryface.

Tyler's POV

I've made up my mind.
I'm going to die by the end of this week. No one can stop me from ending my worthless life, there is no way to get rid of Blurry and it's not like anyone would care right?

No, no one would ever care if you died, they would be happy!

I'm not even going to tell Blurry to leave, I've given up, I'm not trying to get better, I don't want to be okay anymore, I want to die, I need to die.

Finally.

I don't know why, but I feel different to how I usually do, maybe it's because I've finally given up. This morning I woke up and all the pain was gone, I didn't feel horrible anymore, but it was worse, because I felt empty. It's as if all my emotions had just left, no more sadness, but a new feeling, like I'm just a hollowed out space. Like it's just me and Blurry in a dead shell. Now I know what people mean by being dead inside, because that's how I feel, my body is still moving, but my mind is dead.

I stare at the ceiling for what seems like hours, until I check the time on my phone and realise it's only been 20 minutes. I get up and get out a little note book I had lying around, I would write down how I feel, turn it into a song, but no one would want to listen. I like to make sure most of my songs have hopeful undertones, I constantly write lyrics telling people to stay alive even if life is miserable. I can't do that anymore, I used to make it about others, thinking I couldn't die because people would miss me. What a load of crap. I just can't believe that anymore, but I still can't let everyone know I've given up.

How funny. The person telling everyone to stay alive is the one wanting to die the most, it's the most ironic thing I've ever heard. There's no use telling people it gets better when it never did for you.

Josh interrupts my thoughts "What are you writing?"
"Nothing, just thinking"
"about what"
"stuff"
Maybe you should tell him your plans, see how mad he gets
Not yet
"What kind of stuff"
"Nothing important"
Just like you, I'm surprised Josh hasn't kicked you out yet, left you alone
Not now
"Must be important if you've spent all morning thinking about it."
"It's nothing"
"Tyler, what's bothering you, you've been sitting here 'thinking' all day"
"Nothing, I'm fine"
"Tyler"
I don't want to talk, I just want to sit here and plan my death.
"If you're so fine then why are you crying?"
I didn't realise the fact that I was crying.
haha, poor wittle Tyler is crying. Does Tywer need his Mummy?
Blurry keeps taunting me.
And then Josh is hugging me, and I'm crying into his shoulder, and he doesn't let go until I've stopped crying.

Why does he still put up with me?
I'm not worth it, but Josh still doesn't leave.
Does he actually care?
No NO NO, HE DOESN'T CARE, HE NEVER HAS AND NEVER WILL, JOSH IS LYING ABOUT EVERYTHING HE'S WAITING FOR YOU TO KILL YOURSELF!!!
I just don't know anymore.

"Tyler, please, I don't want to lose you, not now, not ever." Now I realise Josh is crying too.

How did we get this way? I was happy, Blurryface had left (or so I thought) we were on tour, everything was great. then Blurry came back, I still remember it, who could forget the return of a voice in your head constantly telling you how worthless you are, causing you to wake up at 2am crying and wanting to die, or worse, convincing you that your friends hate you when they are telling you how much they care about you. I remember waking up after a horrible dream at 3am to a familiar laugh and the voice I hoped to never hear again, I remember the feeling of dread and fear and hoping to fall asleep and never wake up. I really wanted to call Josh, but I didn't want to wake him up at 3am and I didn't want him to worry. What would have happened if I had called Josh then, if he had helped me then so I couldn't get to this point? But I've never been one for getting help, otherwise I would have gone to a psychologist years ago, but they wouldn't have helped, talking can't get Blurry out. Nothing can, he'll never leave unless I die, and it's better to die sooner than later.

"Tyler"
"yeah"
"please promise me that you won't kill yourself"
"Josh, I don't think I'll be able to"
"please Tyler"
"I can't"
"I need you"
"I'll try, but I can't promise"
"Just don't give up so easily, I know you're giving up, I know you well enough to notice"
"I just want to die"
"I know you do, and I wish I could change that"
"Would anyone even care if-"
"please don't finish that sentence"
"but no one-"
"Tyler! Stop talking like that, so many people care about you"
"What if they don't!"
"Who cares if they don't, I love you Tyler, and I can't lose you this easily"
What.
Did Josh just?
He seems to notice how shocked I am because he instantly starts talking again
"Stop looking so surprised, oh and I'm not going to give you the whole 'how haven't you realised' talk because I know you're not dumb. Also, I'm not stupid, I know you have trouble believing that anyone cares about you, I know you don't think you're worth being friends with anyone and I know you're convinced that no one could ever love you, but none of that's true, I promise, nothing Blurry tells you is true."

DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, HE'S MESSING WITH YOU, HE'S LYING, DON'T TRUST ANYONE, THEY ARE LIERS, THEY ALL WANT YOU DEAD

GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!! pleasepleaseplease just go away leavemealone

NEVER

"Tyler!"
"makeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstop" I have a huge headache all of a sudden like someone is stabbing my eyes and ears and my ears are ringing and my vision is going blurry and-
"Tyler! Tyler what do I do!?"
"anythingjustmakehimgoaway"

Josh's POV

I don't know what to do.
How can I help Tyler, how do I get Blurry to leave him alone? This is only the second time this has happened but last time it wasn't this bad, if this happens again it will only be worse. I don't know what I can do, I can't just tell Blurry to leave, he's in Tyler's mind, not mine. He can disappear, it's happened before, there were a few months when Tyler was free of him. How do I get him to go away again?

My thoughts are interrupted when Tyler starts screaming, Shit. I'm so inconsiderate, I should be helping him even if I don't know how.

"Tyler"
"h-help" He sounds so scared, I hate seeing Tylerlike this, he doesn't deserve it.
"Tyler open your eyes"
"everything's red and blurry"
"Tyler look at me"
He slowly looks up and I can instantly see the pain in his eyes, I immediatelyhug him.
"Try not to focus on him"
"he says you probably find me annoying"
"key word is probably, he doesn't know that for a fact, he wants you tothink that"
"he says not to listen to you"
"please listen to me, what does he want from you?"
Silence.
"Tyler?"
"He wants me to die..."
"Well then he's not very smart"
"He says that when I die he'll go to you instead so either way hewins"
What.
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A/N
That escalated quickly.
I planned up to chapter 10 but writers block finally flew out the window andnow I'm going to make this different, it was originally going to be a boringchapter that would lead to an ending at about chapter 11 but I decided to beevil and torture fictional Tyler for about 2 chapters because I'm a sadist andI like reading and writing things that cause me lots of emotional pain.

This would have been uploaded last week but the internet wasn't connected yet, luckily it was fixed today.

haha it's 3am what is my life