Tea & Biscuits [On Hold]

Werewolf Stories

You can smell the hormones through the screen, like Christ.

The stories are always about alphas and their short tempers, their cruel behaviors, their ginormous egos, and their droll-worthy looks.

First of all why can't the story just be about an ordinary wolf, they don't have to be alphas or betas. And the writers are only using the alpha title to display what they think a man should physically be (I'm not gonna label myself as a feminist, because frankly I give both men and women equal hate and last time I checked you can't hate on other genders to be a feminist).

Now the female lead, the mate of the alpha, holy shit what a fucking loser; the most overused line ever,

"I'm not an object!"

Yeah, no shit Sherlock. I know this is showing readers that you shouldn't treat women poorly, but god damn, if someone came up to me and said,

"Mine" (another overused line)

I would be like, "come back when you can form a full sentence,"

The line is just so cliche, it's almost a necessity in werewolf books.

The thing that makes my blood boil, other than self diagnosed high blood pressure, is how the authors always describe the women as "strong" "independent" "kind" "badass" "feisty" "I'm a strong independent woman I don't need no alpha," like who the fuck cares, they do a terrible job at really proving that they're strong women anyway, when at the end of the book they still fall in love with the alpha, even after he's done all these bat-shit crazy things cause "it's what's on the inside that counts." And "it's the mate pull"

This make my eyes roll all the way back.

Someone write a book where the female lead IS a pure badass, you can write about her being THE alpha, HELL YOU CAN EVEN TURN HER GAY AS GAY CAN BE

You know what you can do to really make her independent? Have her kill her parents at a young age, cause nothing says independent like losing your financial support.

Make her the bad guy, like you know those villains who you just can't hate? You know like Loki from Thor. Make her charismatic, make her feel uncomfortable with kids, cause god forbid she be amazing with children. Make her tall (this is just me, cause I notice that all of the female leads are somewhere between 5'1'' to 5'5'' and that the guys are always above six feet, they're paring dwarfs with giants the fuck?) make her taller than her mate, make her six feet, have her have scars, make her a handicap, make her A WOMAN OF COLOR

Let me just say that louder for the people in the back

MAKE HER A WOMAN OF COLOR.

Going back to the guys, the authors make it painfully obvious that all the men mentioned are hot af, exhibit A:

After the attractive males were dismissed by my father, I turned to walk away when...

Fill in the blank *rolls eyes*

Exhibit B:

The hard plates of muscle tensed as I touched the smooth skin. His greenish, blueish, grayish eyes gaze into my plain muddy brown ones as he leaned into....

They (authors) go in to so much details about what the character looks like, for me personally I rather not know what they look like. I want my imagination to think of what they look like, make them my dream man; what if I don't like blue eyes, what if I don't like how they have bulking muscles.

And another thing, they stress the word count by describing clothes, that, in my book, is a RED FLAG. It's a sign the author can't think of anything else and they're trying to stall for time. Exhibit A1

The dress was beautiful. It was knee length and had a sweetheart neckline, it hugged ever curve of my body, making it feel like a second skin. The sleeves weren't too short or too long, the red color really made it stand out. It was perfect.

Do you see how cliche that shit sounded?

I got 46 words in just from that. I would've gotten more is I wrote 46 in word from.

I don't see a need in describing clothing if it doesn't have anything to with the plot, you can describe clothing ever once in a while, but if you're trying to organize a runway show in the book. Stop.

Let's talk about the plot real quick.

...

And that's the plot. THERE'S NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT

Cause that's the reality, sometimes the author doesn't even put in a decent plot and just makes the entire thing about the characters finding themselves and learning how to love each other, if not that they make it about rouges attacking the pack, for the love of god ever thought of changing the point of view?

Tell the story in the point of view of the rouges attacking, like how they were just passing through and then the pack went ape-shit on them. If you don't want to write about rouges try writing about witches attacking the pack and how they turn the Luna into one of their own and have the female lead and the male lead fight each other. THIS IS THE ULTIMATE TEST OF THE POWER OF LOVE

If you're gonna get inspiration or ideas from these rants give me some credit man, cause this is some dope kush.

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This is unedited, I don't think I'll ever edit it, but who knows.

If you wanna talk about some of things on Wattpad or you just have a question feel free to dm me or post a message on my board.

If you wanna rant together, I'm open for it.

This book is a rant book therefore the things written here are my OWN opinion. One of the purposes of this book is for conversations and discussions. I like meeting new peeps even if it's through the internet, so make a friend in the comment section or whatever.

This authors note is getting a lil too long, oh that's another thing some authors spend half the time writing their authors note while giving you short chapters.

Okay I'll stop but for real, spread the word.

With wit,

Eli