It's a North American Birthday

July 2nd: Intermission-Day 1

"Mattie I have a great idea!" Alfred shouted, jumping up from the chair he had been splayed across and making the other jump. Canada placed a hand over his heart and exhaled, setting his phone down on his lap and shooting a look at his brother.

"Would you stop randomly shouting? It startles me and completely destroys the peace of the quiet."

Alfred's face dusted with color, embarrassed. "Sorry, dude. I just get excited and can't control my volume sometimes." He settled back down into the chair, crossing his legs and leaning back.

Matthew continued gazing at him expectantly. "I know, I'm your brother and I've dealt with you as long as we've both been alive. Now, you had an idea?"

America perked up again, reminded of his amazing idea. "Dude, we should get totally wasted tonight and do something we'll regret later!" He bobbed his head once, decisively, and crossed his arms over his chest, looking pleased.

"Drinking age is twenty-one in your country." Matthew looked back at his phone, turning the screen back on and checking the notifications again. "You sure you want to do that?"

America scoffed. "It's nineteen here. And eighteen in some places! Besides, it's not like I haven't had my fair share of alcohol in my time. Most teens have by this point."

The Canadian nodded in agreement. "I suppose we could." He smirked. "I haven't been out drinking with you in a while; I don't know if you can still hold your liquor like you used to," he teased.

Alfred looked amusedly affronted and slightly disbelieving. "Is that a challenge I'm hearing?"

His brother quirked an eyebrow. "And if it is? What are you gonna do about it, cowboy?"

"I'll take you up on that, mountie. But there's gotta be something at stake to make it interesting."

"Like what?"

America tilted his head, thinking. "How about..."

-------

Later...

"Oh- Oh my god, Alfie!" he slurred over another shot of maple flavored vodka. "How- how in the everloving hell did you out-drink me?"

Alfred's face was flushed and he was bent at the waist, leaning over the counter with his chin in his hand. "I have drinking matches with Russia and Mexico on the regular. Tequila, vodka, everclear: terribly poisonous concoctions that shouldn't exist but do anyways. I'm pretty much immune to it now." He grabbed the vodka bottle by the neck and swirled the liquid around, watching it spin before taking a quick drink from it.

"By the way, this maple shit you have is-" his sentence was broken by a hiccough, "-is fantasic. Way better tasting than the Pop-Tart one that I had to drink once."

Matthew took his last shot and set the glass down on the island a little harder than needed, sitting up and stretching. "Alright, now that I'm good and drunk I suppose I'll make good on your little wager, eh?"

America pumped his fist into the air excitedly, issuing out a loud "Hell yeah!" before walking (stumbling and almost falling a few times) around to grab his laptop and set it up on the island's top. "Alright, but I get to pick the fic and you can't back out of it," he reminded, pulling up his bookmarks list and picking one of the URLs in the middle of the screen.

"Do you spend all of your free time reading bad fanfiction of yourself?" Matthew asked, tilting his head in curiosity.

The American's face felt hot; and it wasn't just from the vodka. "N-no! I just thought that something like this might come up! So I figured I'd come prepared."

When the screen loaded, the two looked at the title and Canada began to read the first paragraph aloud.

"...and a certain sexy Canadian will have a lovely birthday..." Alfred was laughing so hard that tears were already threatening to stream down his face.

"You know," he said, "It wouldn't be nearly as funny if you weren't trying to read it while completely smashed, bro."

The other bit his hand to hold back a giggle of his own. "I- I know! I can hardly read it becuase the text is so small! And it's a- a damn x reader! It's me and me!"

Alfred waved his hands in a continue motion, taking his glasses off and setting them in front of him, next to his computer. He wiped some tears away with the back of his hand. "Keep- keep going; you've gotta finish the whole thing."

And so he did. All two thousand, two hundred, and ninety-two words of it. He was completely flushed and out of breath from hysterically laughing by the end of it, as was his brother.

"The only thing I don't understand," he managed to get out through his incessant giggling, "Is the fact that I was totally a sub! I don't bottom, Alfie!"

Alfred tried to look at him appraisingly, but the look was lost through the huge smile and laughter. "I dunno, dude. I think you'd make a pretty good bottom bitch~"

Matthew rolled his eyes good-humoredly. "Like you when you and Russia 'step out to cool down' after you're at each other's throats during meetings?"

"How did you-"

"Alfie, everyone knows. You two suck at keeping secrets."

"Oh. Huh." He looked down to the keyboard and grinned to himself. "Alrighty then. I guess it's good to know." He shook his head like he was shaking off water. "But my sex life is not what we're talking about right now! I still think that you'd totally be an adorable subby, Mattie."

Matthew smirked deviously. "Wanna test that theory?"

America's eyes widened and he shook his head back and forth quickly. "No! I'm good!"

~*~*~*~
pardon my spelling but the wattpad spell-check is shit for me rn and i cant catch my own mistakes (because i cant spell without assistance)

Link to fic that i didnt actually read except for about three paragraphs of: http://sillystorm28.deviantart.com/art/Canada-x-reader-Birthday-Sex-LEMON-382350040
DISCLAIMER: im not using this fic to mock, just to use as something for the characters to have a good laugh over. i meant no offense by this and apologise if it came across that way.

No they dont fuck dont worry its all peachy