Mountain Sound
*lil note: i wrote this very early in the year when it was close to bisexual pride weekend !! it was for a project on memories ,, Also the names of people have been changed because I don't know if they'd be comfortable w me posting this :,,)
I'm only assuming, but you most likely didn't know that last weekend was bisexual pride weekend. With this in mind, I decided to write about the time I came out to my friends as bisexual.
This may be viewed as too personal, or as one of my teachers (whom I shall not name) put it, "too alternative." In my opinion any project dealing with significant memories or anything of this nature should be as "alternative" as it needs to be. I won't censor this story to appeal to a closeted lifestyle that some people push me to have.
In California music festivals at night were only fun if you were either stoned or really into the music. I was neither. Everyone around me had a joint in hand and the whole place smelt of skunk. I stopped caring after a while, you got used to the smell.
The band that was playing on the massive stage was Of Monsters and Men, a band that to this day I still have only heard a few songs from. My friends Emily, Alex and their mom had gone off to use the restroom. I had been left with my sexually ambiguous friend Cassidy. Everyone knew she was into girls but she refused to place a label --- leaving it impossible to find out the exact root of her sexual orientation.
She sat beside me looking up at the starry, smoke filled sky. Her pink, shoulder length hair was pushed to one side and she tapped her fingers to the slow song. And I just looked at her. I noticed for the first time how beautiful she was.
Up until this point, I'd never looked at any girl like this. I knew deep down for years that I was into girls, but I always buried it. But in this moment, this image of her was so strong, and she was just so perfect underneath the dim light, and I wanted nothing more than to act on feeling and kiss her.
"Jordan?" I called her. She looked over at me.
"Yeah?" She asked. I bit my lip, still not even sure if I wanted to even say it. These words were so heavy, so life changing and I didn't want to throw them out. I'd been denying it for so long, hiding my feelings since I was a kid.
"I think I'm bisexual." I admitted. I prepared myself for a shock, a frown, anything to make my fears of rejection become a reality.
Instead, she just smiled. It was the kind of smile that you'd never forget. She was so bright and so supportive without even saying a word. So I smiled back, a newfound confidence spreading throughout my body. And for once, my heart felt at peace.
At this point I'd have loved to wrap it up with a "we kissed, everything was great!" ending, but the exact opposite happened. We continued to sit in silence as I processed my newly admitted sexuality, the music filling the space for the words we didn't speak. When we were all walking back, cold and wrapped in jackets I broke the news to my other friends.
"Oh, everyone knew that already." Emily said, laughing a bit. I shook my head, looking at Alex. She shrugged.
"Yeah, guess we all knew you were gay from the beginning."
To this day, I'm out to my family, my friends and even complete strangers. I've had people tell me they admire me for being so open, but once you spend that long in the closet the last thing you want to do is shove yourself back in every time you meet someone new.
