i am convinced drew detests me. he always leaves me on read and whenever i'm around him he does not seem to enjoy me. i believe he finds me annoying and stupid. hurts. i am dying. i am currently sitting in my bathroom and so many undesirable thoughts run through my head. thoughts of hanging myself from the living room fan. swallowing 50 pills from the medicine cabinet. cutting my wrists downwards slowly, watching the blood gush out. these thoughts are intrusive; i don't want to do any of those. however i do want this relentless pain to stop. i am
physically healthy. mentally? ha. i haven't been mentally healthy since 7th grade. suicide hurts. i don't want to die. i want the pain to end. not only will suicide make things worse, everyone around me will be saddened. it's not worth it for them. do i want to die? of course. but i cannot. the reason why i enjoy american horror story is because it helps me relieve those intrusive thoughts. understandably, i love jessica lange. her characters in Asylum & Coven are iconic. the vocabulary her characters use and their attitudes. Judy Martin is one of which everyone can relate to. Running away from a mistake you made in the past. I enjoyed Fiona Goode because she is the prime example of human nature. Fiona Goode will kill to stay in power, and wants to live forever. Everyone wants power; those who do not lie. Not only do i love jessica lange, but i also love Sarah Paulson. Lana Winters is an empowering character who everyone can aspire to be. She pushed through her hardships and flourished. I am disappointed Jessica Lange has quit AHS. She was usually my favorite character in every season. Today has been a good day. I got to see Marlee and we finessed some Goodwills. I love Marlee. She makes me happy. I bought Calvin Klein underwear however they fit weirdly. Oh well. I like them.
