Blake,
I really miss you tonight. I just wish I could talk to you one more time. You know, my favorite part of every day was being able to talk to you. When you first died it was as if I was completely alone in the world. Sometimes I still feel that way. You were truely my best friend. You were the only person I ever let meet the real me. You’re probably the only person that ever will.
I wonder what it would be like if you hadn’t gone back home? I wonder how you would be. How you would look today. If you would view the world the same as you did when you were fourteen. Probably to the last one, the world’s pretty fucked up. It’s like everything is all about materials and appearance, both of which I am definitely not thriving in, haha. I wonder what you would think of the music that has come out and gotten popular since you’ve been gone. I think you would like some of it, it’s not all terrible.
God, I can’t believe it’s been four years… It definitely does not seem like that long. That’s crazy to think about. It’s crazy to think that a fourteen year old could be so depressed that he kills himself. Then again, I was right there with you, wasn’t I?
That song you had me listen to the last time we talked, I listen to it when I think of you. Or if I can’t listen to it, I just think about it. About how much I wish I would have told you I love you.
Story of A Girl by Nine Days
I’ll never be able to listen to that song without thinking about you, my love. I wouldn’t want to.
God, Blake. I would give anything just to talk to you one more time. To tell you how much I love you. To tell you how important you are to me and everyone else. Maybe if I had done that sooner you’d still be here today… I guess this was all in lifes plan for everyone of us that was involved in your life and for you. I know you made a big difference on the people you cared about, though. You brought me through so much… I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that. Like seriously, you were my everything. You are my everything. I mean, come on, it’s been four years and I’m still writing these letters to you.
Shit, that might sound kind of freaky to say, just walking around like, “Yeah, I’m writing a letter to a boy that I was in love with when I was thirteen who killed himself. No biggie.” Haha… Oh well, I’m weird anyways, not like it’d surprise anyone if I was saying that shit to people.
I really hope there’s some way that you can see what I write… Maybe there’s some sort of mail service in Heaven. I say Heaven because I know there’s no way you could go to Hell. I know suicide is supposed to be a sin, but you were such an amazing person… You were such a big, important part of so many peoples lives. He couldn’t send you to Hell, right?
Cadence
