Foster Care//Phan [Complete]

Chapter 14

Dan's POV

-Time skip a couple of months-

I sat on my bed, staring out my window at the trees. The trees had lost their leaves and the world had this dull colour to it. It was basically my life. Dull with only a hint of colour in it. Although my life shouldn't be dull with me having a literal sunshine for a boyfriend, but I still have that depressing darkness hovering over me. Phil tells me every day that he loves me. And I'd like to say I believe him... but I don't. My brain won't let me. I'm a disgusting monster. Who would really love me right? Phil deserves so much better. Sometimes I wonder if rather than loving me he just pities me. I told him not to pity me. I don't deserve it.

Soon I laid back and closed my eyes, starting to hum softly. Eventually, I found myself humming 'I'm Not Okay by My Chemical Romance' I then started to sing the words softly. I could practically hear the song. I opened my eyes and sat up to see Phil standing in my doorway with his phone, which was playing the song. "What are you doing Dan?" He asked curiously. I loved seeing him when he was curious. His eyes would light up and he'd tilt his head to the side slightly as he had a big bright smile on his lips. "Just thinking" He smiled and sat down beside me. "Thinking about what Danny?" I thought for a second. I really couldn't tell him I thought he didn't love me. So I quickly did something I'd soon regret.

I began to dig myself into a hole of lies. "Just about how fall is so much different than summer" Phil tilted his head "Like what?" I bit my lip and kept up the lie. "Well... summer is a happy bright colourful season, where as fall all the colour is stripped from the earth. Fall is dull and starts to get cold. The plants begin to die and I've heard more deaths happen during the fall more than any other season. Fall and summer are kinda like the day and the night. Heaven and Hell. The colour black compared to the colour yellow. Basically, the seasons are practically polar opposites." Wow. Where the hell did that come from? Oh well, it works.

Phil sat there, he seemed at a loss for words. "Wow, I didn't know a change of season could be so deep and meaningful." I bit my lip, my cheeks tinting red. "Well... technically you can take any moment and make it deep and meaningful" Phil smiled and nodded "That is true" I nodded and gave a simple smile. It was fake, hopefully, he would fall for it. Of course, he didn't. "Dan... Is something bothering you?" I shook my head and looked away slightly. I felt his arms around me, hearing him whisper "You can tell me if something is wrong, okay? It's what I'm here for" I nodded. Maybe I should tell him. Maybe... I don't know. I will one day... Not right now. We've been together for a few months and he's happier than ever before. If that is even possible. I couldn't tell him and take the chance of hurting him. I really do love him. So of course since I can't tell him I lied...again. "Just a lot of memories with my mum and dad have been flooding my brain" Phil smiled softly "I'm sure they're watching over you, Dan. They loved you both and as long as I'm around I will keep you safe just as they did." I nodded, watching as he stood up "I actually came in here to tell you my mum ordered a pizza and I have movies set up for a movie marathon... will you join me?" I nodded. Pizza and movies. That would lead to me cuddled in his arms. Which right now sounded perfect. Even if my brain was constantly yelling at me, saying he doesn't really love me. "Great!" he exclaimed excitedly before running off. I found myself giggling quietly as I got up, following after him.