The babysitter

Source of happiness

The peers bright lights act as tonight's stars ,the Ferris wheel spinning slowly as I look up at it ,my hand blanketed in Michaels as we walk through people like ourselves ,young teens on 'dates' ,something so innocent ,something I should have been doing at such a pure age. I bite my lip for I've failed to explore such wonders even of my own town for being a recluse has deprived me of such fun. His hand tightens on mine as he gets my attention ,his lips smiling so sweetly as he gazes upon my reactions to the lights ,rides and stalls around me. "Do you like it?",he asks in that reassuring voice that has me calming instantly ,my anxieties forgotten with the sound of his voice and the feel of his warm welcoming hands. "I love it",I say in utter awe of everything around me ,pulling on his hand to have him stumbling closer beside me ,my arm linking with his as I rest my head on his shoulder ,feeling his body relax as I do so. I feel that Michael craves human connection on another level ,as if he needs someone to take care of so he can learn to love for I feel he's been broken greatly ,like me. "You can do anything you like and anything you see is yours",he says before kissing the top of my head ,the way only a lover would ,I smile then like a giddy child as I let go of him and walk quickly to a stall in which hangs a large fluffy bear with a tartan scarf around its neck. I look back at him with my hands clasped as if begging ,a large dark man stood behind the stall of pellet guns and tin cans labelled with targets ,that I guess you have to shoot in a certain place to win. "You're lucky that This was my Expertise as a child",he says giggling as he pulls out change from the pocket of his jacket ,giving it to the man who stands with a bored look upon his face. I stand behind Michael with a longing look for he looks effortlessly heavenly no Matter what he's doing ,I watch as he picks up the pellet gun and aims it with one eye closed ,shooting almost every can in the perfect place ,I clap behind him and squeal as he shoots the last one down. "Call me James Bond",he says giggling like a child ,his teeth on full display as he truly looks happy ,the man looks at us with the hook in his hand to retrieve a prize that hangs above him."what will it be?",he asks in a strong accent ,the child within me pointing to the large fluffy bear . "Thank you sir",Michael says politely once getting his hands on the large bear ,his face peaking out from behind it ,"I love it!",I squeal chuckling as I take it from him ,cuddling it to me before dangling it in my hand as I wrap my arms around Michaels neck ,cuddling myself to him for I cannot contain my excitement and gratefulness for no prize compares to the feeling of joy I get when with Michael. "Oh baby thankyou!",I say as I grab his hand again and set off to something else ,noticing that he lags behind with a look of shock on his face ,"what is it?",I ask as I let go of his hand ,feeling as though I've done something or said something I shouldn't have. "You called me baby",he says as if in disbelief ,although the corners of his plump lips curl upward into a small smile ,my cheeks reddening for I didn't realise until now ,I look to the floor brushing my fingers through the fluff of the bear for he makes a big deal out of it. "It just slipped out I-",I say but he cuts me off with the shake of his head and the sound of his sweet laughter ,"I meant I liked it ,I could get used to it",he says pulling me in with my hand ,my nerves calming now for again he reassures me ,not knowing quite how to act around Michael for he's not like the men I've been with before ,in fact it's hard to think of him in any other way than perfect...

The light breeze tingles the skin of my arms as we sit high up on the Ferris wheel ,his long ,slim arm around me as I rest into his side looking down up the oceans and the bright Luminous lights that guide people down the busy streets of night on the coast, tiny dots of people walking along the sand ,music heard all around us as if trying to keep the whole town awake. "Thank you for this Michael",I say quietly as I cuddle his jacket to me ,his smile appearing for the hundredth time tonight as I look up at his pure face ,not having noticed that he wears light makeup upon his cheeks until now for his caramel complexion appears even ,unlike how I saw it last night. "You needed this ,don't thank me for your happiness",he says playing with my hair that blows back gently ,the curls wrapping around his fingers ,I smile and take in his blessing of a presence for he has no idea the amount of happiness he has brought me since the first night he's been with me. "But I wasn't happy before you showed up",I state factly ,my hands finding his as I bring them between us ,shifting closer to him out of pure want. He gives me a sad sort of look ,his eyes sorrowful but filled with so much appreciation ,"then you're only going to get happier...",he says looking from my eyes to my lips for he seems as if he can't control himself around me for I can feel his urge to want me but he often stops himself by looking away so not to ruin the moment. He looks over the coastline with low eyes ,my hand then reaching up to pull his face toward mine ,initiating the kiss. Something I would never have found myself doing with anyone else before Michael. I push my lips to his ,feeling at the soft texture against my own as he kisses me back with such meaning. Our hands wandering as the wheel moves again ,grabbing onto each other's bodies anywhere we can before we reach the bottom. He pulls away and kisses my cheek ,leaving a lingering warmth there as we step off hand in hand ,a moment in which I never pictured myself experiencing ,a moment in which seemed impossible for me and It's moments like these that I will treasure forever.

The house invites us in with its warmth ,the wooden floorboards creaking with our quiet footsteps up the stairs for it grows late and quiet in the neighbourhood. "Michael",I whisper as I make my way to my room and he in his. The feeling of separating to our own beds making my stomach sink for I know I won't sleep ,it's the strangest of feelings but I need him beside me. I fiddle with my fingers for I don't know how to ask. He looks at me as if to understand ,taking my hand as he pulls me with him into his dark room ,the only light in which invades it being the natural source of the moon. He turns to me then as he shuts the door behind us ,his lips agape and his eyes low as he scopes my face and body ,knowing that I'm making him suffer with the way I hold back my dignity but I'm not ready for that yet with anyone ,it's been so long since the last time I let another man explore my naked body ,wishing I'd have saved myself for someone like Michael for every other time is sickening to think about. "I'll be back",he says quietly into the silence of the room before hanging his jacket up on the back of the door and leaving the room supposedly to ready himself for bed. I sigh for I wish I wasn't the way I am ,I wish I could just let him undress me and me undress him like we both know we wanted to ,my mind a true mess. I look at myself in the body length mirror ,slipping from my clothes ,picking out just about everything I hate about my body in the mirror ,my wide hips and my thick thighs so unappealing,my curly hair a constant irritant, the way my breasts shrink within my silken bra as if my body shrinks from my hips upward ,ugh. I shake my head and sigh ,before realising that he's been stood watching me from the doorway ...