notes (COMPLETED)

..

Note: I'm not an expert on self harm, but if you or anyone you know is self harming it's best to talk to someone. I'm always here if anybody needs me to listen but it's best to go to a trusted adult. Just remember that you DO matter <3

Alex gave me a ride home shortly after our moment in his car.

Nobody was at there, as usual, so I went straight upstairs and changed into comfortable clothes.

Today had been exhausting, and even though Alex listened to all my problems, I couldn't lift the weight off my chest. I felt like I was suffocating, like the walls were collapsing in on me.

I couldn't get Peter off of my mind. I couldn't understand why he had betrayed me like that. He knew that I was messed up, and he decided to mess me up even more.

Suddenly angry and upset, I got up and dug around my backpack, pulling out my binder that was full of our notes. Taking a random one, I read it.

You look completely and utterly beautiful today. I know you will get mad at me for saying it but I don't care. When will you realize that you aren't screwed up? You are perfect and you deserve to see that.

Lies. They were all lies. I wasn't perfect. Peter knew it and I knew it.

Tears began to stream down my face. I didn't want this anymore. I didn't want any of it anymore.

I read through the rest of the notes and it only made everything worse. With every word the suffocating feeling grew and I couldn't escape it, it wouldn't go away. 

I needed it to go away.