AMERICAN BOYFRIEND

papercut (II)

the one sleepover kai and geo had ever had occurred on the precipice of their joint lives: the day before their high school graduation.

he had always acted like it was an anomaly. something ridiculous and outlandish that kai had never stayed the night in the home of someone outside his family his entire life. geo, who didn't understand that sometimes, being alone in your room was the only way to protect yourself. protect yourself so that there were functioning, non-broken parts of you left to have fun. geo, with fifty cousins living a world away in argentina. geo, whose parents always believe him, who slept with his door open at night.

he plans it one second, and it's happening the next: they're sitting in geo's sister claudia's room, with the fan blowing cool air directly at the their faces, the windows cracked open, feeding the room with sun. geo's shoulder is smushed into kai's, and kai is sitting very, very still, his head tucked into the crook of his neck. their graduation gowns, propelled by a singular hook hanging from the ceiling, twirl around in slow circles above them. the heat is frying their brains, eating away at their fingertips, when geo says, "malakai, we need to have a sleepover."

kai snorts. "you turned seventeen eight months ago, geo. do you remember that? or was that just a dream?"

"a dream," geo says defiantly. "i'm going to be sixteen forever. and you can be, too, if you throw this party with me."

kai looks at him hard. "we have to be at school by ten a.m. tomorrow morning, geo. you really want to throw a party tonight? why not tomorrow night?"

"no. we've got to do it tonight—before everything changes," he says, swiftly arising from the couch. "i'll call yasmeen and alex and devante and nicole. we can all sleep in the basement."

geo bumps around the room, grabbing papers from the bookshelf and the home phone balancing on top of claudia's computer desk. there is something erratic in his movements, like he was rushing to do everything — put his hands somewhere, brush hair out of his eyes, breathe.

kai waits for the right words to fall in his mouth. he could practically see the thin strings holding him together. one false word, and they would snap.

"geo, man, are you buzzed, or something?" kai asks him eventually. he's staring at the back of his head, the only part of him remaining still.

"no. no, what—why are you asking?" geo replies, panic in his tone. then, "no, i'm not buzzed. just excited. can't i be excited, malakai? if you wanna help me, do me a favor and call everybody." he tosses kai the phone and leaves the room.

kai does what he asks. he calls devante first — "a sleepover? are we six, nigga? — yeah, i'll bring nicki, you know she'll be into this shit" — then alex, who doesn't pick up — then yasmeen, who says no immediately.

"what?"

"i said no, kai. didn't you hear me the first time?"

"yes, i did. but why, yasmeen?" he questions further. "don't you want to hang out with the people who made your senior year so special for the last time ever, before yale-harvard-princeton steals you away from us?"

"it's brown, kai," she corrects him, but kai can almost see the smile on her lips. "i'm going to brown, and you know that. i never mess up the names of the one million tech schools you applied to."

kai's heart softens. it was true. yasmeen didn't forget those kinds of things. her brain clung to remberances like that—small parts of people she chose to keep. it reminded kai of geo, the way she held on to people.

"you're right," he continues, "i'm sorry. which is exactly why you should come over, so i can make it up to you food. all five star, all halal."

"i'm on a diet, kai, and you're trying to bribe me with food. that's so fucking inconsiderate."