gawsten oneshots ★

of course

awsten had been distant. he didn't enjoy things he used to and he definitely didn't laugh as much as he did previously. it was worrying, especially since he seemed to be always popping jokes and smiling at everything. geoff was confused, to say the least. he didn't understand why awsten was almost ignoring him and otto. they were usually so close, all of them were best friends. 

tonight, they were playing houston and awsten didn't exactly want to do it. after multiple attempts at trying to get out of playing, saying he was sick and felt like throwing up, they went out on stage. he wasn't thrilled, but he put on a happy face for the crowd.

"what's up houston!?" awsten yelled into the microphone as he walked out on stage.

the whole crowd yelled back at him. that made him actually smile for the first time in forever. they played a few songs before the next band was up to play. next was tonight alive, then state champs and finally sleeping with sirens.

after all of their sets were done and all of the bands met a few fans inside and out of the venue, they were all invited out to have some drinks. automatically, awsten declined. geoff looked at him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. even though awsten didn't drink, he usually would go out with the rest of them and just get water or something non-alcoholic.

as everyone was leaving, geoff stayed behind with awsten, which wasn't normal for either of them.

"hey, catch up later, yeah?" geoff yelled to otto, who nodded back.

awsten was now confused. why was geoff staying back with him? he should be going with otto and the rest of the bands. geoff didn't say anything, but he roughly grabbed the other boys wrist and dragged him back to their van. when they finally got to their bus, geoff opened the door and pulled awsten inside.

"why are you being distant? what's wrong? is something wrong? tell me, i can't handle this anymore!" geoff said, his tone raising ever so slightly.

awsten was taken aback. geoff never raised his voice at him, or at anyone for that matter.

"nothing is wrong, geoff. i don't know why you're raising your voice at me. yelling doesn't fix things." awsten was now speaking loudly too.

"okay, okay. i'm not yelling but... there's something wrong," geoff spoke a bit quieter now, "you're being distant, you're not hanging out with anyone and you're not awsten. you're someone else."

"you're right... i'm not awsten. i'm not a male awsten, i'm an awsten that doesn't want to be a boy or a girl. have you thought about that? maybe i want to be awsten with no gender!" awsten said loudly, his voice cracking.

awsten stood there, trying to take deep breaths and calm down. it wasn't helping that geoff was staring at him with wide eyes. there was going to be questioned later. they fell into a silence, all that was heard was awsten's breathing.

"awsten, what do you mean?" geoff finally spoke up, cringing at the way it sounded.

"i- i'm not a boy or a girl," awsten winced, preparing for the worst.

geoff nodded. before he could open his mouth again, awsten was muttering an apology and darting out of the bus, not taking anything with him besides the phone in his pocket.

"oh no," muttered geoff as he ran a hand through his hair. he didn't know what to do.

awsten ran until their legs felt like jelly and not the good time. when they finally came to a stop, they ended up outside of a closed bookstore. it was dark, shadows were casting off of everything. it didn't look so pretty.

they took a deep breath. their lungs trying their hardest to keep up with awsten's deep but harsh breathing. the street lights were flickering, making the shadows appear and disappear. it was getting darker and darker by the minute.

the phone in their pocket was off the chain. vibrating and ringing multiple times. regret filled in awsten's stomach. they didn't want to leave, but they couldn't face geoff after what was said between the two.

geoff had been looking for awsten for the last fifteen minutes. he had tried calling, but there was no answer. it was like awsten disappeared. he was worried about them. geoff really didn't mean to raise his voice, it's just frustrating seeing your best friend turn into someone else and not talk about it.

soon, both of them were standing on the same street without knowing it. at one end, awsten was crying and on the other, geoff was frantically trying to find his best friend. at this point, geoff was questioning their friendship but that was a problem for another time.

after several more calls and a dozen more texts, geoff almost gave up on finding awsten but he didn't, that was the last thing he was going to do tonight. the calls on awsten's phone were starting to get to them. they wanted to return the calls and tell geoff where they were, but something told them not to.

"oh, he hates me," awsten spoke aloud, plopping themselves down on the ground. it was cold, luckily not wet.

"he actually hates me!" awsten wailed, breathing becoming staggered and their vision becoming blurry again.

geoff, not even being fifty feet away from awsten could hear them. in a sheer panic, geoff started running down the street. the cries were coming closer and awsten was finding it harder to breathe. their airway was closing up and things around them started to become hazy and dark.

"awsten? awsten!" geoff yelled, not caring about anyone that was asleep at this time.

their name being called made awsten perk up. it was geoff and their panic set in once again. to awsten, geoff didn't sound happy. he sounded more upset and concerned. awsten was now in view and geoff wasn't freaking out as much. quickly, he dashed down the last stretch of sidewalk to be with awsten.

"oh god, you scared me." geoff admitted, wrapping his arms around awsten tightly.

awsten hugged back, burying their face into geoff's neck. silent sobs wracked their body and tears were streaming down their cheeks. after a few moments of not speaking and awsten crying silently, geoff spoke up.

"i want to understand what you're going through. really i do. can you explain it? please?" he asked softly, not wanting to start anything again.

"g- geoff, i don't feel like a boy or a girl. i'm a human being?" awsten took a shaky breath, "i want to be accepted by you, you especially. i- i don't care about anyone else. i am human and that's all that matters." he concluded as he looked to geoff for any feedback at all.

"like, non-binary? androgynous?" geoff asked carefully.

awsten shakes his head, "androgynous is partly male and partly female in appearance; of indeterminate sex."

there was another pause. this stuff was new to geoff, no one has actually explained this to him. he understood that people used different pronouns and identified as something other than male and female.

"i'm not a boy or girl, geoff. i want they/them pronouns. e- example, they want food or that's their bed." awsten explained shakily.

"okay."

"okay?"

"yes."

another pause, then, awsten was jumping on geoff, wrapping their arms around the neck of the other. geoff held them up, closing his eyes. finally, they were at peace, an understanding.

"this might take a while to change, i will try my best though," geoff promised.

awsten nods, "we can tell otto tomorrow, i want to sleep."

"okay, awsten. let's go."

after they got back to the bus, awsten crawled into their bunk and geoff got in behind them, wrapping his arms around the other's waist.

"i love you, geoff."

"i love you too, awsten."

"goodnight. thank you for listening to what i had to say."

"goodnight. you're my best friend, of course."