Be The One | ...

four; goodbye marlboro

leon couldn't sleep. her hand buried in his slowly raking in backward over and over again sending him in a miniature bliss. his eyes rolled a couple of time in pleasure bit still yet he refused to sleep. he cleared his throat and called her name.

in the darkness of the hotel room, she answered his call.

"i overheard- your mother uh,"

she replied, simple yet cold, " she's being stupid. stop overthinking."

he understood and kept his lips sealed but his mind wondered back 3 hours to when they arrived at the airport of helsinki. they were rushing for the luggage pick up area when her phone blared midway. he continued walking in front of her as she answered the call. for 2 minutes, he quietly listened to her speaking furiously in her mother tongue as he went to pick up the first suitcase he saw; her black suitcase. he didn't understand any shit- but he knew it wasn't good.

" mama, come on. lopeta olemat!" stop it!

their eyes met as he returned with two of their suitcases. her face was a new shade of red and her eyes were glistening. " he's here, mama. you think at this point i gave any flying fucks?" she spitted, without batting her eyes as she stared into his. " if leon can't coming, then i won't too. if he's not welcomed, how do i feel? näkemiin," goodbye, and she ended her call.

he startled, his thoughts vanished and he was left with blank head as she whispered her third  good night, and turned to her side of the bed. her back faced his as she attempted to sleep again- but knowing her, she was just twirling the edge of the pillow with her eyes close.

" why does she hates me?"

he asked, not really sure if he was talking alone or was waiting for her to respond. "you're just not apart of what they've planned and invested in me when they send me to germany," she muffled out, her tone flat out exhausted. she turned to face him and tucked her hand underneath the cold side of the pillow, "their investment was to make me an engineer and make sure i did my phd at least. but just as a trophy so they can parade around that shitty small town about how i'm the only person who made it out of town. so when they sent me to germany- twice for my diploma and master and i decided to slack out and deferred my master to work instead, they were pretty pissed off."

they were leveled now, face to face and he listened to her story sternly.

"how come i never heard of this?"

she shrugged, " since you're gonna be the first guy i'm actually taking home- that and also the fact that you've insisted. i thought i'll tell," his hand roamed in dark until they met hers, pulling them up to where his lips slowly kissed every joints and crooks of her hand. she felt insecure. to be worshiped by his lips when her hands as rough as the beach sand when her 6 years old knee kissed during a fall. when she tried to tug away, he groaned and mumbled no then politely asked her to tell more.

" i am their only child. all the pressure rested on me to be so fucking perfect but i couldn't. at least until i was 8 years old. i mean, school from 8 till 3 pm then piano class from 6 pm till 8 pm and then extra classes with my dad until bed time. i was a robot," she told, her kissed hand now wondered on his five o'clock shadow growing on his baby face that she knew he will shaved in the morning again. " i have attention span problem. i like to do everything," and the way joy sneaked around in her voice brought a small laugh to the german.

" i'm a kid, leon, i'm supposed to be and feel free. i used to like to end my sentences in exclamation marks because i thought everything are worthy enough to be excited about- until my dad said that world is shitty place and nothing is worth to be excited about," the way her sentence died made leon wondered how many skeleton did she keep in her closet. " i had my dreams and hopes crushed just because it was unrealistic for a 8 years old to still think about playing hopscotch and stepping in puddles of water after rain." she moved, their heads now resting on neach other and they are sharing more space together. they breathed in the same air and shared the each other's body heat.

with alila finally opening up, they are in the position of so intimate.

she felt more naked than she ever felt. all of the baggages she carried for years, unlocked and opened to him.

all of sudden, she started crying. she pushed herself up and her chest tightened, sending leon in panic. he reached over and turned on the bedside lamp, his hands reached to check on the finnish. she was having a panic attack. "hey, hey why are you crying?" he asked frantically, looking at how her tears were flowing nonstop and her lips were trembling like hell. her lips moved to say his name, to ask for help but nothing was audible.

instead he called for her repeatedly, reassuring and pulling her into his arms, clutching her like an 8 years old with her favourite teddy bear until her body stopped shaking, until her chest stopped hunching and sobbing; until she was just sniffling and hiccuping- until she was okay.

" alila," he called for the hundredth time, this time, a soft yes followed his question.

" are you okay?"

" i don't want to go home."

he nodded and kissed the side of her head, racking her dark hair slowly, " then we don't have to. we can stay here and then fly back home without seeing them." he pulled back and his eyes met her bloodshot eyes. they were glistening from the tears before. his thumbs reached to wipe the rest of the tears away. " that's enough. stop crying, there's no use crying about it anymore," he kissed the tip of her nose and she nodded.

"it just hurts a lot. i'm their child."

" you listen to me," he said sternly, cupping her face with his hand, " i might not understand it much but whatever your parents did, it was horrific. you should never go through that. you're not their investment or shit, you're a human being. you deserve all the normalcy in life. whatever they couldn't see in you, i see it. you are wonderful person, the lack of morality is well- questionable but-" they both laughed. he leaned and kissed her gently on her lips, before gathering her small hands in his, "-there's no reason all your sentences couldn't end in exclamations, no reason that you couldn't stop thinking about play hopscotch."

he ran his thumb soothingly in circle on the back of her hand, " there's no reason i should ever said no if you wanted to ask me to join you in the rain," he watched as her lips trembled again and the waterworks were flowing, " i should be there to carry you inside because i know how tiring rain makes you feel. you grew up too fast and i'm sorry, you don't deserve this. but i promised you, i'll love you more. i'll pay more attention if you promise me,"

she stared at him with a questionable look.

he smiled, " stop running, alila," he whispered, " let me in. it's getting kinda tiring to keep running after you," they laughed.

to his surprise, a soft, hoarse okay escaped her lips.

they sat in the comfort of each other's arms. her lips wrapped around her half smoked cigarette, something to take her off the edge. it seemed like her cigarettes been feeling a little lack of somethings. her mother has warned her the danger of cigarettes but never about the boy with crooked teeth and a very beautiful eyes. when he touched her, never in her whole year has she yearned for someone's touch, so there was no reason for her to be scared when she listened to his love confession.

she pushed the stub in the ashtray, killing the fire. as she blew the last smoke of carcinogens, she turned to him. she smiled and returned his love, 3 words she stopped saying the moment her parents stole her childhood away because she didn't feel it anymore. but today, with the burning feeling in her throat, she watched his face lightened up in dark, his skin flushed and his eyes dilated- he looked so happy.

his joy has made her feel more pleasurable than boxes of her marlboro ever did. it had awaken her from the deep dark sleep.

in front of him, in the morning, he watched her chucked the half empty marlboro in the hotel's trash can. at this point, he couldn't hide his grin anymore.

she has finally stopped running; he'd finally got her.