Paper Hearts ▪ Lams

19

October 2nd, 2016

Alexander's House

Senior Year

//and I just can't reach out to tell you//

John held Martha's hand and Jack on his hip as he entered Alexander's two story house. Alexander carried a box of their belongings and set it down on his couch with a smile.

"Welcome home!" he chirped.

John smiled softly.

"Jacky, is this our new home?" Martha asked, looking up at her brother.

John nodded, "This is our new home."

"Can I look around?" she asked excitedly.

Alexander chuckled, "Go ahead, you have your own room! Let's see if you can find it," he said, tickling her sides. Martha giggled and ran down the hallway.

John sat on the couch slowly.

After he sent Alexander down the fire escape with his sister and son, John's father had thrown empty beer bottles at him. He dodged most of them, but he couldn't dodge his father's fist. He survived with a broken rib and some ungodly bruises down his back, and left the hospital with a brace around his torso.

"Here, let me take Jack," Alexander said with a smile. John handed the small child over, sighing as relaxed into the couch. He wasn't supposed to put pressure on his back.

"Hi, John!" Martha Washington came into the living room, holding her husband's arm.

"Hello, Mrs. Washington," John went to stand up and shake her hand, but she gently pushed him back down.

"No need, John. You just rest," she smiled, "And please, call me Martha. Alexander has been doing it his whole life."

"Thank you, ma'am," John smiled gratefully and turned to George Washington by her side, "and thank you, as well, sir."

George laughed, "Well, you've got yourself quite the gentleman here, Alexander."

Alexander blushed furiously, "Oh no, we're not together," He laughed nervously.

John looked down with pink cheeks. He felt his heart drop slightly.

Alexander didn't want to be with him.

"Not yet," Martha winked at John, making him smile.

Alexander stuttered, "Martha, uh, I, uh-"

"Alexander, please shut up," she said. Alexander nodded.

"We'll let you get settled in. Martha is making chicken fried steak tonight; a little birdie told us that it's your favorite," George said.

John looked at Alexander, who was bright red, "It, uh, might've come up."

"Yeah, okay," the couple laughed and stepped onto their back patio after retrieving glasses of iced tea.

Jack started to cry in Alexander's arms.

"Oh no, what's wrong Jacky?" Alexander asked the child. He lifted the baby to meet his face. Jack stopped crying and started to giggle, playing with Alexander's nose.

John laughed. Jack yawned and laid his head on Alexander's chest. John smiled, his heart fluttering as he watch Alexander rub the baby's back.

"Oh, baby boy are you tired? Let's put you down for a nap," John said, trying to pick Jack up. He winced in pain before he could do so.

Alexander shook his head, "John, I got him. You stay here."

John nodded and sat back down, resting his head back. He sighed and listened to Alexander's whispers to Jack fade away.

Alexander didn't want to be with John. He had just denied it in front of him. John will never, and had never had a chance with the beautiful man.

He was soon going to go off to college and find some other person, leaving John in the dust, trying to pick up his broken pieces.

"John, what's wrong?" John snapped his head up at the sound of Alexander's voice. He hadn't even noticed that he was crying.

He frantically wiped the tear streaks away from his face, gasping for air, "Nothing's wrong."

Alexander sat down, taking John's hands in his own, "John, please don't shut me out again."

John yanked his hands back, "Me? Shut you out? You've got to be kidding me!" he exclaimed, "Every time I think that I'm close to breaking down your walls, you just build them back up again, and I start back at square one!"

"What are you talking about?" Alexander snapped back.

John shook his head, "You could never understand, Alexander."

"But I can listen," Alexander placed a hand on John's cheek gently.

John snapped his head away, a tear rolling down his cheek, "No! I can't let you do this!"

Alexander raised his eyebrow in confusion, "Do what? What am I doing?"

John snapped, "You won't be happy! You deserve so much more than this! I just want you to be happy!"

Alexander was taken back. He placed his hand on John's knee, "But I am happy-"

John cut him off, "How could possibly be happy with a gay fag like me?"

Alexander looked at him, seeing the pain in his eyes.

John's eyes widened in realization of what he had said, "Oh god, no. Please don't hurt me! I didn't mea-"

Alexander cut him off this time, "It's okay, John," he smiled, "I'm bisexual."

John looked up with tears in his eyes, "You're bi?"

Alexander nodded with a smile on his face, "And you're gay?"

John flinched, "I – uh, I mean, uh, yeah. But, please don't tell a-anyone. I'm not ready to come out y-yet. The last t-time I did-" John choked back tears silently.

"That's okay," Alexander tried to place his hand on John's shoulder, but John flinched and smacked it away.

"Just give me a few minutes," John got up slowly and went into the bathroom. Alexander held out his hand from behind John, tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

"John?" he whispered, barely audible.

John closed the door quickly and leaned his back against it, clamping a hand over his mouth to muffle his sobs. He stayed against the door, letting his tears roll down his cheeks and hand.

He had messed up terribly.

Alexander walked towards the door and lifted his hand to knock. He hesitated as his hand almost touched the painted wood. He let his finger tips slowly brush over it and sighed, leaning his forehead on the door. Tears rolled down his cheeks and onto the wooden floor.

He had messed up terribly.