chapter three
obsession
Severus merely sat on his bed, clutching the phial of Amortentia until the other sixth year began to drift upstairs hours later. It was his only connection to her when she was not there. Somehow he had definitely become obsessed. He wanted to know her name, her age, why she was there, why she wasn’t there, and if she was ever really there at all.
He could feel her, she had to be real. She had a favorite shampoo, for goodness sake.
That had to mean something. It did mean something. It meant he was crazy, entirely bonkers. The potion he was constantly sniffing must have given him hallucinations, theoretically giving life to his dream world. That had to be it. She couldn’t be real.
If that was the case, all he had to do was leave the potion behind and the illusions would end. His life would go back to normal. His dreams would continue to be dreams.
Severus took the chain from around his neck, surprised to find his fingers trembling.
This was silly, but he couldn’t help feeling scared. Scared of what he didn’t know, but he was scared nonetheless. He laid the phial in his suitcase at the very bottom. Uncertainly, he reclined in his bed until he fell asleep, hoping for the dreams he craved.
He was once again at the ball, but this time there were no masks. As he danced with his mystery girl, the other people began to disappear until it was just the two of them. He looked her straight in the eyes with the overwhelming sensation of drowning.
He once again bent to kiss her but she stopped him and slowly reached up to softly kiss his neck. Chills spread throughout his body.
“Please I must know your name,” he begged. It seemed as if she was about to answer when the dream became murky and then disappeared completely, leaving Severus lying alone in his bed. He could still feel her kiss as he sat up.
It was just a dream, he told himself over and over. But he could not overcome the thought that it had to be more real than that.
He barely registered that the time was five in the morning, much later than he usually woke up. He resisted the temptation to pull out the chain from his suitcase and dressed quickly and quietly so as not to wake anyone. Then he crept downstairs to the Common Room. He gingerly fingered his neck, closing his eyes and remembering the events from the past few days. Who was she?
Breakfast wouldn’t start for another hour or so and he needed to do something, so he retrieved his dream interpretation book again and looked up the meaning of a kiss on the neck.
The meaning brought a small smile to his face: uninhibited passion or lust.* Well, it seemed quite passionate to him, but still…just a dream. He repeated the mantra over and over.
Just a dream, it’s just a dream. She’s not real.
Once it was time, Severus headed to the Great Hall and ate his breakfast in silent thought. He prepared to head to his first class, Charms. Professor Flitwick was one of the better teachers. He didn’t pay much attention to him and he liked it that way.
Severus sat at the back of the classroom, hardly listening to the professor’s lesson. His mind was distracted by the thoughts of that girl and the disconcerting feeling that came with the absence of her scent. He missed the sharp coolness of the glass phial against his skin. But he had to do it. He couldn’t wear it now. He had to focus on his classwork.
The class ended yet he did not remember anything Flitwick had said. He walked dazedly from the classroom and began walking nowhere in particular . He did not know where he was going but he did not have a class at that time and didn’t really care where he ended up anyway.
He finally stopped in an empty corridor and leaned against the wall with his head in his hands. The second this thought entered his mind, he looked up…directly into her eyes. His heart thudded with longing, an intense need.
“Who are you? What are you doing here?” Severus asked in a small voice.
She walked towards him and whispered softly, “I don’t know. I don’t know why I’m here. I don’t know what I’m seeing.” A smile curved her graceful lips. “But I like it.” And suddenly she was gone.
He hadn’t been wearing the potion. It had been hours since he’d last held it. The effects should have worn off. But if it wasn’t the potion, what was it?
Severus ran all the way back to the dormitory and dug through his trunk until he found his phial, his lifeline to her presence. He uncorked the phial and inhaled her beautiful scent. He didn’t know who she was but he didn’t care.
Severus had realized that she had to be real. It was impossible that she did not exist.
Suddenly it occurred to him that he’d spent so long in the dorm that he had to get to his next class. It took a moment for this thought to register but he quickly made his way to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. Professor Georje** was the newest in the line of Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers that changed each year. They were learning about different types of curses. This was one of his favorite classes.
The Dark Arts fascinated Severus in a way that frightened and exhilarated him. He had known more curses at the start of his first year than half of those in the seventh year. By now he had learned even more. He was skilled in both defensive and offensive magic.
The class drew to a close too quickly for him, thrusting him back into his problematic world. He allowed his mind to return to the question of the girl who seemed to haunt his mind as well as his life.
He wondered what she was doing at that moment. If she was real, what did she do when she wasn’t with him?
Whatever the case may be, he could not wait to see her again.
This was the last thought he had before he fell asleep that night.
*The interpretation of this aspect of Severus’s dream was taken from dreammoodsdictionary.com
** Professor Georje was made up for the purpose of this story.
