ALL I ASK

sorry.

007.

[ 11:25 am, 12/25/16 ]

PLAY RECORDING?

YES NO

merry christmas, bow. it's sort of bittersweet, standing under bright festive lights without the one you want the most beside you. i can't even look at a mistletoe without getting nostalgic, i swear. it snowed a lot of this year bow, you would've hated it because you hate snow and you hate being cold. but i would've been there to keep you warm, i promise.

i have a present for you by the way. i'm not telling you what it is, although that can turn out to be really stupid, if i don't ever end up seeing you again. so i'll ask that you at least let me mail it to you. it's not too big, just something of sentimental value that i think you should have. i hope you like it.

anyway, i've contemplated and came to a conclusion that i think you'll really appreciate, especially if this is my last chance to ever prove that i'm more of a man you think i am. a sort of last hurrah, really. i won't mess up this time, though. i can promise you that.

because i've realized, that you are gone. and begging for you to come back probably wasn't the best motive in the first place. it hurts, yes. but that is okay. because if we were meant to be - really, won't you be back soon? or, later?

i love you. i think it's only a matter of whether you have any of love left for me, too. what i know for sure, is that this love thing doesn't work one-sidedly. so until it isn't, until you willingly enter my arms again, while knowing that i'm a no-good, fake deep, piece of shit - [slight laughter, 00:00 ー ]

[resumed. 11:28 am.] until, that blessed day, i will do my best, to make others happy. like how you made me. you had a strange way of making others feel light. i'm guessing it's because of the way you carry yourself, with a vibrant light, allowing everyone around you feel a little bit better themselves. and i dared to let it fade away.

but never again. from now own, i'll cherish everything softly. like one of my paintings, you know? slow strokes used to make the most beautiful outcome. that's how i'll start. slow.

give me time. i'll be the man you want me to be.

i feel like given my history, it'll be a longer process than i would expect, but it would be so very worth it, rainbow.

i'm not saying you have to wait for me. i don't expect you to. i'm not only getting better for you, but this'll also be a thing i do for myself. so if you ever changed your mind about me, i'll be ready. ready for whoever came my way.

so until the day, the day when i've tried so hard to become better and it actually works, i will take a lifetime to be happier, to give. to love.

until the day i can welcome you back into my life, i will do all of those things.

and i will wait.

--

a / n: that's it, guys! i hope you've all enjoyed as much as i've enjoyed writing this. there will be an epilogue, ( not that anyone is actually reading this and asking for one ) and i think it will give some closure to how their relationship ends up working out.

thanks for reading this, those who are. really, i appreciate you all so much. this is something i enjoy, and i hope you've all enjoyed it with me. ❤
- roo