the desperate ones ✓

promises are meant to be broken

<1:21 pm, Tuesday>

"I'm not even kidding, I think something is wrong with me," Tyler said as he watched Debby bustle around her small apartment with two cups of tea in hand. "Was it wrong to kiss him? I mean, it's only been a month. Do you think we're rushing whatever it is that's happening between them?"

Debby handed one to Tyler, who drank it gratefully. She sat across from him on the couch, tucking her legs underneath herself.

"I think you're overthinking it," she said. "Everyone has known that you and Josh have some weird thing for each other since like, freshman year."

Tyler scoffed, spinning his cup. "I did not have a thing for him. We didn't even talk freshman year."

"That doesn't mean you weren't a part of his life," she reminded him.

Tyler flinched. He remembered how he abandoned Josh, how he disregarded his feelings to protect his own. It was wrong, and Tyler knew that was something he wouldn't be able to fix.

"I mean, we're full blown adults now and even back then we're just... not good for each other." Tyler glanced at Debby to see if she was looking at him. She was, and closely too.

"What do you mean?"

Tyler couldn't tell her the truth, obviously. She would tell Patrick and then he would tell Abigail and Abigail would put him on meds or worse, put him in a mental hospital. He couldn't handle that.

"In the years that you've known us, have we done any good in each other's lives?" He asked. "I mean, he tried to kill himself on multiple occasions because of my own mistakes. Hell, I tried to kill myself on multiple occasions because of my own mistakes. Then senior year, he ran away and I-"

"I know," Debby whispered, looking away. "We all have done really fucked up things, Tyler. Does that mean we have to live by those mistakes? No. We're a broken species, but our mistakes are what help us grow into beautiful people. Look at me."

She gestured to herself. "I was bulimic since middle school up until my senior year. There, I met a broken and perfect girl who showed me that I could be more than a calorie count."

Tyler looked down at his cup, tracing the remnants of tea leaves on the bottom. "I didn't know."

"Most didn't know," Debby sighed, setting her cup on her table. "What I'm trying to say is sure, you're both fucked up. Josh was depressed and suicidal, you were anxious and paranoid. But together, maybe you can beat it."

"Like a romcom?" Tyler joked.

Debby kicked him gently, chuckling. "No, you dork. Love isn't going to bippity boppity boo your problems away. But having someone who understands what you're going through and what you could achieve even with this anchor on your heart, it helps you breathe a little easier."

Tyler sighed, relaxing the slightest bit.

"Thanks, Debs. I'm glad I came over."

Debby smiled and reached over, squeezing his forearm. "I'm always here. It only took you three years to come over."

Tyler rolled his eyes.

"I had a lot on my plate. We all did. I'll come over more often, I promise."

"I know you will." She sets her cup down and folds her arms over her chest. "So, how did you find Josh?"

Tyler swallowed drily. "We just ran into each other in a coffee shop, and that was it. He's still obsessed with his bucket lists, though."

He meant for it to be funny, but it made him ache even more. Because now those bucket lists were the only thing keeping them alive. And Tyler was beginning to second guess himself.

"I think I'm in love with him," Tyler blurted.

Debby raised her eyebrows in false surprise. "Gosh, really? It's not like you guys ever, I don't know, made out during parties with your girlfriend present?"

Tyler groaned dramatically and buried his face in his hands. "Don't remind me. I'm a horrible person."

Debby laughed.

"I miss Jenna," Tyler said. "Not romantically, obviously. Just- her presence was an anchor. I really did love her. I still do."

"Maybe you should get into contact with her like you did with us," Debby suggested. "I'm sure she'll be happy to hear from you."

Tyler nodded. "I will. You're the best."

Debby stretched out on the couch and smiled lazily. "I know. just promise you'll look after Josh? Keep him alive. He's like a brother to me, and despite what he thinks, the world needs people like him."

"I promise."