the desperate ones ✓

anything is better than nothing

<Tuesday, 5:00 pm>

They made it an hour before the visiting hours ended. Abigail stayed behind in the car as Tyler went inside. The bleach white walls and bright colored murals adorning the halls made him sick to his stomach. Marcus, one of his old coworkers, escorted him to the visiting room and sat him down in a circular table in the corner.

"Thanks, Mark," Tyler said sincerely. "For all this. I know it must've been a pain in the ass to process Josh's file so fast."

Marcus patted him on the back, sending him a reassuring grin that eased Tyler's fried nerves somewhat. "No worries, pal. You're my friend."

Another nurse brought Josh into the room. He still looked pale, but his clothes didn't hang as baggy on his frame as it had when he went in. The darkness under his eyes had lessened, and the cuts on his arms healed completely.

His eyes lit up when he saw Tyler, and Tyler's heart nearly burst with a mixture of relief and joy.

Josh sat across from him, neither speaking for a while. Tyler fiddled with his sleeves, and Josh with a piece of his faded yellow hair that had grown out so the roots poked through.

"Hey," Tyler said, finally breaking the silence after a few minutes of restless moving and the occasional moment of awkward eye contact.

"Hey."

Josh wouldn't look Tyler in the eye, which he didn't mind because he didn't know if he wanted to. Tyler began to apologize for sending him there, but Josh cut him off.

"Don't apologize," he said. "I should be sorry. For doing that to you."

Tyler laughed nervously. "To be fair, you did scare the shit out of me."

"Sorry about that."

"How's therapy?" Tyler asked.

Josh shrugged. "It's alright. My therapist shoots me with a nerf gun every time I say some self deprecating bull."

Tyler snorted. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah," Josh smiled. "I'm not going to lie, it's actually helping. In a stupid way. Helps me avoid saying negative things, and actually makes me think more positively."

Tyler reached over to table to grab Josh's hand, who locked their fingers together. "I'm glad you're getting better."

Josh flipped their hands so Tyler's wrist was pointed upwards. Tyler didn't jerk his arm away, instead he looked away as Josh pushed his sleeve up to his elbow and traced the edges of the bandages.

"But you're not." Josh reached over and grabbed Tyler's chin, moving his head so their eyes met. "If I've learned one thing in the two weeks I've been in this place, it's that nobody can save you. You need to do it yourself. Look at me, I'm cold turkey."

Tyler put his free hand over Josh's. "I know. I used to work here, you know. It's just... hard."

"I know. But if you can save someone as fucked up as me and someone as far gone as Pete, than you can save yourself. You gave me hope, and you gave Pete a second chance. Now the only one left saving..." Josh poked Tyler's chest, making him laugh. "... is you."

"I was so scared you'd hate me," he said. "For making you come here. I hated working here. The food sucks."

Josh leaned back in his chair. "I don't know, man. The jello here is pretty good."

Tyler laughed. "I guess it's different when you're on the other side of the therapy session."

"You should try it sometime," Josh said.

"I plan on it." Tyler pulls out a pamphlet from his pocket. "Abby got me with this lovely therapist who I'm meeting with tomorrow."

Josh perked up. "Who is it?"

"Your sister."

They started laughing, and whenever it would die down, they would make eye contact and laugh all over again. It was the most he'd smiled since Josh was admitted.

"How much long you think you'll be in here?" Tyler asked. "I miss having you around."

Josh played with Tyler's fingers, smiling softly up at him. "I miss you too. Dr. Hamill said about another week or so if I'm good. I'll have to go back on meds, though."

Tyler looked around, making sure Marcus wasn't looking before leaning across the table and pecking Josh on the lips.

"I'll make it up to you," he said, making Josh shiver.

Josh hummed, stroking Tyler's cheek as Tyler kissed him again. "I can't wait. Still need to take you out on that date."

"You sure you're okay?" Tyler asked again. "You're not just saying that?"

"I am okay," Josh reassured him. "Being in here won't fix everything right away. Hell, there's some things wrong with me that will probably never be fixed. But that doesn't mean I can't keep trying, right?"

Tyler pressed his forehead against Josh's, putting his hand on Josh's chest. "Just keep swimming."

Josh pulled away and snorted. "That's so cheesy."

"Yeah, it is. But that's what we're doing, right? We are living, and that's enough."

"I love you," Josh said. "I can't remember if I told you that before, but I really love you. And I know I didn't tell you this either, but thank you. For sending me to this shithole. For saving me."

Tyler laughed. "Thank you for saving me."

"We saved each other," Josh said."

"And we'll keep doing it." He sounded adamant, which he was. "Until we're happy."

"Happy." Josh smiled softly. "That sounds nice."