Not Mama's Little Girl, Anymore

Three

           

I manage to get over my disappointment at not hearing from Clyde.  It takes only one box of Ho Hos and four bottles of wine to wash away the sting of rejection.  Claudia was glad to help with the wine.  The Ho Hos were mine, and I don't share.  Did Claudia say she was allergic to Ho Hos?  Maybe.  That's kind of a good justification for pigging out.

Besides, what kind of name is Clyde?  I wonder if he has a brother named Boo-Bob?  Oh, well.  Enough pity party action for me, I'm a free and intelligent college girl in New York City.  I picture Carrie Bradshaw and the girls mentoring me about all of that sex in the city stuff.  Oops!  It seems I've had more than enough wine.  I think I need to lie down.

I wake up to the jackhammering outside the dorms, only to realize it's really in my head.  Could I be more stupid?  Was that a rhetorical question? OMG! 

I shove my head under my pillow wishing I could turn back the clock to a point when I stopped with one glass of wine.  Tough titties, little girl, you did this to yourself. My grandma always said that to me--I wonder how she's doing?  I'm seriously avoiding the obvious; I must get up and go to class.

When I emerge from my emotional food coma, I shower and head out for class.  I dress without any concern about being fashionable.  Sweat pants (Mama would have a cow!) and an old band tee shirt with a large red wine stain, I think, on the front of it.  I don't even care.  At least, I don't care too much. 

I enter my toughest class—Contemporary Civilization.  It sounded like something I'd ace like a pop culture type of course.  I should have looked at the syllabus.  The required reading—Plato, Aristotle, Augustine, The Bible, Machiavelli and so many more!  I'm not a dummy, but these are not books I ever pictured reading when I signed up. 

And today, our professor decides to involve us in a discussion on Plato's Republic.  Maybe if I slouch in the back of the room, I'll go without notice.

"Ms. Parker, can you enlighten us on" and at that point the guy might as well been speaking Latin because I don't understand a word he says.  It's like the sound the adults make in a Charlie Brown cartoon. Blah blah de blah-blah-blahhh.

After class, I determine a trip to the registration office might be in order.  I need to drop that course.  As soon as I opened my mouth and my southern drawl hit the airwaves, I knew I was doomed.  Philosophy isn't my thing, I guess. 

"Natalie!"  I hear a male person calling my name, but it has to be another girl because I don't know anyone here.  I plod along wallowing in regrets about the Contemporary Civ class. 

"Hey, Nat!  Wait up!"  The sound of running feet and hard breathing right behind me forces me to halt in my tracks.  I turn with a puzzled look on my face.  Oh.  Him.  Mr. Let's-Get-Together-But-Don't-Expect-A-Phone-Call. I begin walking at a little faster rate.

"Gosh, I guess I screwed up if you're in that big a hurry to get away from me."  Clyde smiles as he hustles along beside me.

"Don't worry about it, Clem.  I didn't notice. I'm focused on school anyway, so maybe it's for the best."  I groan inside wishing I didn't have to put him off.  He's so cute, but I will not be ignored and overlooked by a guy just because he's cute.  Yeah!

"It's Clyde, not Clem.  I guess you do have to focus on school, especially Contemporary Civilization.  I don't think Professor Ryan was impressed."  Clyde smirks at me.  Okay, one point for him, but I'm not done yet.

"Oh, you're in that class?  I didn't notice."  Stay cool, Natalie.  Think Ice Queen cool.

"If you'd like to study together, I'd love to..." 

"I'm thinking of dropping that class, but thanks, anyway.  Well, see you around."  I scurry away like a timid little mouse.  Which I am.  Mama says it's best not to seem too available, but why do I feel I've made a colossal error in judgment?  I can feel the heat from his eyes locked on my retreating form, but I refuse to look back.  Too needy.

When I get back to our room, Claudia is hitting the books.  She's a good student.  I need to follow her lead and get to work.  She looks up with a broad smile. 

"How'd class go?" 

"Hasn't it gotten around the campus yet?"  She tips her head to the side, and her smile disappears.

"Sit down and tell me about it.  Do you need a Ho Ho?"  Claudia is awesome; especially since she didn't bat an eye or giggle when she offered a quick chocolate fix to me. I shake my head in the negative.  I need to have some willpower.

"Everyone in my Civ class thinks I'm a moron from Dixie.  Oh, and Clyde or Clem or whatever is in the class with me.  He was acting all interested and even offered to study with me to help with the class, and I blew him off."  I spill the ugly truth out and await her disappointment.

"Good for you.  The dude blew you off last week.  He could have texted you if he got busy.  Let him stew.  It's good for him to know you have a healthy self-esteem."  Claudia put her arm around me and gave me a big hug.  "Don't worry, Nat.  There are many more guys out there waiting to meet you."

God, I hope so.