Suicidal Tendencies | l.s. | AU

Chapter 4

Louis POV:

Three months, that's how long it's been since I've been playing with Harry and I'm still no closer to cracking him than I was on the first day. For a person with no will to live, he sure is stubborn. And that fact bothered me more than it should have.

Occasionally, Harry would have what Jazz and I referred to as an off day. He would be extremely moody, and change moods on a dime. These were the days that I really had to be on my guard, as often the littlest thing could set him off. If I had to pick one thing about Harry that was a talent of his it would be his ability to give the silent treatment. He could be stubborn like nobodies business.

One day, after a late therapy session I walked down the hallway to the music room a bit late. Usually, the sound of the piano would accompany me in my journey, but not this time. I turned into the room and saw Harry at the piano. The staff paper he had been working on was propped up in it's proper place. His hands were poised on the keys, but he made no move to actually play. This was my first clue. 

While leaning against the door, I decided to take another approach to breaking Harry. So far I had been very passive in my attempts to get him to talk. He would tell me no, and I would back off. Maybe Harry was the type of person who needed a push in the right direction. 

Oddly enough, it was no longer just about me getting out of this place. I wanted to know Harry's story, I wanted to know what made him tick. I wanted to know about the ink swirls I saw peeking out from under the tee-shirts he wore. I wanted to know everything. So this was more than just a single motive for me, and I would do what it took to learn the full story behind the ever-mysterious Harry Styles. 

I made my way across the room, walking on the outside edges of my feet so I made no noise. 

"Harry," I whispered into his ear as I came up behind him. "You can trust me, you know." He spun quickly, making me lose my balence. I stumbled backwards a few steps.

"That's just the thing Louis. I can't trust you. I can't trust anyone. Why do you think I'm here? Because I want to be? No, it's because there's no one left who cares. No one at all," his words came out quickly, slurring together. It almost sounded rehursed had it not been for the fact that he looked so broken, almost like an innocent child who was told that he was wrong.

"I care," I whisper in a voice that matches Harry's expression, "I care." I repeated myself in a lower tone, convincing myself of the fact. I knew I cared, it just didn't make as much sense in my mind as it should have. Why did I care so much for this cold-hearted fool who clearly wanted nothing to do with me. 

"Just get out, will you?" he said, pointing towards the door. His facial expression had hardened back into the stone mask I had grown accustomed to seeing when he closed himself off. I trudged to the door, only looking back once I reached it. He didn't spare me another glance.

Only after I reached my room did I realize one crucial fact. I had yet to play that piano.

His rebuttal angered me more than anything else. It wasn't the fact that he kept me from playing, or the fact that he refused to tell me anything. It was the fact that he had flat out told me that he couldn't trust me.

He was wrong. I had done nothing but given him my all and he still treated me like I was replaceable. I was anything but replaceable. I was not.

Time for me to show Harry a little bit of his own treatments. He was used to me coming back to him after a few hours, but not this time. This time he would come to me.

Harry POV:

It was a particularly bad day for me. I hadn't any idea why, just that I woke in a foul mood, and it didn't seem to get any better. Louis was late. I haven't the slightest clue why, but he was. And for some reason that annoyed me. And when he had the audacity to tell me that I could trust him. That's when I snapped.

At least that was a decent reason for me to snap. He knew that I hated it when he brought up the whole trust thing. I had made it clear that I wouldn't talk. I merely tolerated his consistent meddeling because I wanted to get out of here and he was my best shot to the outside world. So why couldn't I just open up? I hadn't the slightest clue why that was so impossible for me.

I sat in that room for nearly two hours without moving. I just stared at the sheet of music. By now, Louis would have come back, my brain was telling me. It was a fact. Louis gave me time to cool off when I was harsh towards him. But I hadn't heard anything from him. It was almost as if he wasn't coming back.

In the back of my mind, I could feel the panic setting in. What if I had drove Louis away? Forever this time? I couldn't bear to witness the millions of thoughts swirling around in my head. I knew I cared for him, on some sort of level. More than I cared for anyone else that was certain. And I couldn't bear the thought of losing the last person I would be sure to let in.

The panic and hysteria kept creeping in on me, the thoughts getting mangled into my head. I could feel myself rocking back and forth on the bench, trying to keep my calm. It wasn't working. That much was clear to me. Half my body was telling me to run, and the other half was keeping me frozen. So many fronts I put on were shattering. I let myself imagine a future, one that I certainly would never have, but I imagined if only for the fact that doing so calmed me.

I could see the green lawn beneeth my toes, the dew seeping into my skin. The sunshine beat down on me, in the most pleasent way possible of course.  I could see the sparkling of sun on water in the distance, presumably some lake or other body of water. And next to me, and oak tree, it's large branches spreading out over head, it's rough bark ascending into the sky. 

I could hear the birds, chirping their songs to each other in the oak tree. Their carefree calls added to the atmosphere. I could hear the wind, rustling through the leaves as it made it's way through the area. And I could hear the rustle of the grasses behind me. So I turned to look. 

I could see Louis, his tousled brown hair clear in my mind, his eyes sparkling as he made his way to my side. Behind him, a small house, painted a light green, with stark white trim. He came up to me and wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on my shoulder. His gaze was on the field, and so I settled my gaze there as well. 

A boy, no younger than the age of 2 and no older than the age of 4 made his way towards us. He looked like Lou, but his eyes were a mystic grey. He was quickly approaching and upon reaching us he held his little arms up, the universal sign for 'pick me up.' Louis untangled himself from me and did just that. He held the little boy, smiling at me. And I found myself smiling back. 

"Thomas, our darling Thomas," he cooed. And I cooed with him. 

I wanted it. Every aspect of that vision I wanted. I wanted to live in the little house with white trim. I wanted Lou to wrap his arms around my waist. And I wanted the little boy, Thomas. I wanted it all to be real. 

Before I knew what my feet were doing, I was running. Through the yellow halls, past doors and paintings. I knew where I was headed, to see Lou, to make the vision true. It was time to give up the facades and the masks, it was time for me to let go off the past and chase my future. 

I burst through the door, startling Louis. He was lying upon his bed, his back to the door. He turned when he heard me, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion. 

"Harry?" he questioning, disbelief coloring his tone. 

"I want, can I stay with you. I need," my sentances were sharp, detatacched and even I could hear the hysteria in my voice. Louis studied me with one quick, sweeping look before he merely nodded, lifting up the thin sheet, and allowing me to slip into the bed by his side. He put a tentative hand around my waist before he put his lips to my ear. 

"Tomorrow, we'll talk tomorrow."

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It's fluff....because I couldn't go any longer without it. You're welcome. Enjoy this chapter because the next one won't be so.....fluffy...and the gif...because we all want it to happen.