Suicidal Tendencies | l.s. | AU

Chapter 5

Harry's POV:

I woke up with a start, opening my eyes to see the fabric of the institutes pajamas. Because I was a man of logic, I knew that there was a body inside those pajamas, but I couldn't place who the body belonged to. I tried to move my head, but it was nearly impossible, as it was stiff from laying on it funny all night.

Around the same time, my brain registered a set of arms wrapped around my body. I was held in a vice like grip, trapped by a captator who had a sick sense of humor. I tried to spin, wriggling furiously to free myself from the grip.

"Stop moving Harry," the voice that belonged to the body said. I was stunned for only a minute, then started wiggling as fast as I could to get away.

"Goddamit, Harry, stop moving," the voice said, frustration ringing clearly throughout.

"Let me go!" I demanded. The arms gave way, and I sprung up from the bed, landing a quick punch on the person's jaw. The figure, which was now clearly a he, sat up, holding their jaw in one hand.

"Now why in hell did you do that?" he grumbled. I stood defiantly in the middle of the room.

"You kidnapped me, you deserved it," I justified, a hint of arrogance in my voice.

The figure stood, walked across the room and flicked on the lightswitch.

"You fucking came to me Styles, that's not kidnapping," he said as he turned around, still nursing his jaw.

"Louis?" I whispered after seeing the persons face.

"No, I'm Pinocchio," he stated sarcastically, "no really, who else would I be?"

"I don't know, I just, didn't know who you were, I didn't remember," the words came out in a rush. I didn't even know I was holding them in until they came out.

Lou sat up, rubbing his eyes. I saw him glance at the clock.

"Do you remember anything about last night?" he asked. I sat still trying to recall the events.

After a moment or two, I remembered the day dream of sorts, and running to Louis' room.

"I think I owe you an explanation," I say. Louis nods his head once, signaling that I should continue.

"It's....just that I'm tired of closing myself off, I just tired I guess. Not that it really matters. Because I'll be stuck in here forever," I tried to some it up so I seemed less pathetic, but it didn't really help my case much.

"Why are you in here Harry?" Louis asked. My first response was to push him away, but then I remembered the promise I made to myself last night when I came running. I was going to give him a chance.

"Tryed to overdose on Tylenol."

"I meant why did you try and kill yourself. I already know you tried to kill yourself, that much is obvious," he replied.

"I was just so sick of being uncertain. It isn't easy being me," I started, but Louis cut me off with a snort.

"It isn't easy being you? Try being me....or anyone else on the planet for that matter, Harry," he quipped.

"This is hard enough for me Louis, stop making it even harder," I snapped. Louis' grin quickly disappeared and he was silent and still.

"I had so much pressure at home, to do well with my music, get good grades, do all these extra activities because it will look good on my transcripts. It was tearing me apart, and nobody could tell but me. I can't disappoint them...I just can't. But it's too late for that."

"Did you ever tell anybody? About the pressure I mean," he asked. Somewhere in the back of my brain I registered the fact that Louis was actually concerned for me. I kind of liked the feeling.

"No, I couldn't disappoint them. They invested so much in me, you know," Louis nodded.

"But it wasn't just the pressure either was it? The whole sexuality piece played a part as well, didn't it?" Louis asked, leaning forward on his hands.

"What do you mean?" I asked slowly, afraid of his answer.

"Oh, come on, it's obvious. You're as straight as a circle, but clearly scared silly of it," Louis reasoned.

"I beg your pardon?" I nearly choked when he said that.

"My pardon does not need to be begged of. But if you need me to say it again, you're gay, Harry, and you're scared of that fact, hiding behind your tough guy act and all."

"How'd you know?" I whispered, looking down at my feet.

"Because I've been there done that already, if you're worried about everyone else knowing, I'm sure they don't. It's hard to spot if you haven't done that whole thing before," Louis winked at me, and I gave him a slight smile. Maybe with his help I could get out of here, and try again. But, of course, with his help this time.

"Thanks, Louis," I smiled, making my way towards the door of the cell.

"Bye, Haz," he said softly, almost as if it were a whisp that couldn't be caught.

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The next week was strange. I walked around, doing all the stuff I usually did, but I felt strange doing them. It was as if a weight had been lifted off my chest, a weight that had previously suffocated me until I was just a shell not truly me.

Of course, Louis helped too, randomly popping up and being a slightly more energetic version of himself then I knew. But that was okay because I liked this version of Louis. It made me happier in a way.

A week after I had first confessed to Louis, Jasper pulled us out of group. He brought us to our office and sat us down in the green plushy chairs. I could tell Louis was nervous from the way his knee bounced up and down, but I placed my hand on his thigh, shooting him a sideways glance. He stopped.

"You guys are going home next week," Jasper said. I bit the inside of my cheek. "You're parents will be here Sunday during visiting hours to pick you up, I suggest you get packed," he continued. I was still in disbelief. Going home? It didn't even seem like a possibility, but very soon it would be reality.

And what would this mean for Louis and I?

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(Lots of dialogue, but you got a look at Harry's past....so yay! Sorry for the long wait, I had a big spanish project and finals are coming up so I'll be swamped for the next month or so, but I'm hoping to have time for one or two updates

Ps....gif on the side....it gives me feels)