Coloured thoughts: A collection of poetry & various ramblings of John Wallace

#1 I never said(1st place 2017 MSS Writing contest)

I wrote this poem for my schools senior writing contest and I surprisingly took home 1st place.

The poem touches on some heavy stuff so consider this your warning if you are a sensitive individual.

I never said I liked living this way.

Constantly fighting to keep my demons at bay.

But its all I can do because when my demons knock they aren't planning to just crash on the couch for a night they are coming back with the intent to stay.

Today is the day I kick those fuckers out.

I say as I ponder how it would feel to have a piece of lead fly through my head.

I've tried taking it out on my arms but they just bled.

For the past 17 hours I've been lying in bed

Thoughts zooming through my head

With a hint of existential dread.

But I don't wish I was dead because life is beautiful and serene

But it just seems

It just seems that every time I cry out for help I'm being obscene

Like I just want attention but oh did I mention that People fucking love me?

Or so I've been told.

But I don't have anybody's hand to hold

My love cannot be easily sold but I know one thing is for sure

I don't want to die old and alone

I sit cold and impatient waiting by the phone for you to call

Because after all

Life has been a big game of dodge ball and when I get hit I tend to fall

So if you see me wandering the mall

Standing tall

Just know

I never said I liked living this way

But hey

If my demons stay at bay

I just might be okay.