Imagine.. Falling For Shannon Leto *special*

Too Much

Muffled noises began to stir you from your sleep. You slowly stroked the mattress sheet in search of warmth but you met nothing. Unfortunately, the smell does not always mean the person. You pushed yourself upright in the bed that you and Shannon shared as you stared at the clock. 3:26AM. Who was up at this time? You could hear the noises getting louder and louder as you slowly pushed yourself out of bed and opened the door.

"Won't you even let me explain?" You heard a very shaky voice demand. 

"What's there to explain? That's it. It's over. You said it yourself!" Emilia's voice shouted back.

"I didn't know what I was saying.. It was a mistake." Jared's voice became more muted and slow.

You slowly and quietly took tentative steps down the stairs until you were in view of the scene. Jared stood in the kitchen in a his shirt and suit trousers and Emilia stood fully clothed with her shoes on and her bag ready to go. As soon as you reached the last step, they both turned to look at you.

"I'm done." Emilia said as she shook her head and swiftly left the house into the night. 

Jared sunk to the floor, his back against the kitchen cupboards. Silently, tears jumped down his face as all Jared could do was sit blankly and watch his whole world fall apart. You sat down on the bottom step and just watched him. 

"Jared, can I ask you something?" It felt wrong even speaking in this heavy silence. You knew, just like with Shannon, his reply would tell you how bad this was.

"Shoot." He spoke as if a barrel was pressed against his temple. The tears continued to fall as his voice was cold. Nothing matched.

"Why did you do this?" You whispered. 

Jared's eyes had met a single spot to the left of your feet which he had not moved his eyes from. He clenched his jaw so much you thought it would shoot through his head and cut into his brain. Maybe that's what he wanted. 

"Because," His words cut into the silence and made you jump. He was clearly still drunk and thinking irrationally. "I thought that's what you wanted. The truth is.." Jared pushed himself up so he was standing as he walked over to a drawer at the end of the kitchen. "You could slit my throat.." He said in a disturbing way as he produced a singular blade from the drawer and put it too close to his skin for it to be comfortable. "And with my last breath.. I'd apologize for bleeding on your pretty little shirt." His smile filled your stomach with a sickening feelings as he clasped the blade hard. You slowly began to take very tentative steps towards him. 

"Jared.." You spoke as if to calm him. His breathing had become erratic. "Can you just.. Give me that?" You say as you held your hand out to his. 

"Do you not trust me? Does nobody fucking trust me!" He shouted so loudly you were sure the whole house would definitely had heard him. "You never really do get over it.. Do you?" His eyes tore through you as you weren't sure whether he was making a statement or asking you a question. Either way, you wish he didn't understand as much as he did. 

"Jared what is going-" Tomo stopped in his tracks as he could see Jared with the blade in his hand. "Give it to me." He raced over to Jared and grabbed his wrist. "We've been there and got the stained t-shirt haven't we but we're not going back there again. Give it.." Tomo struggled before Jared let his grip loose and the blade bounced on the floor. As before his cries were silently, now they were drunken sobs. 

"I guess you'll be sleeping with me tonight then, Jared." Tomo said as he loosened the grip on Jared's arm as Jared nodded. He slowly made his way upstairs. Tomo followed him swiftly afterwards. The kitchen seemed strange with nobody in it. You carefully picked up the blade and pushed it around in your palm before meeting eyes with Tomo who had stopped midway up the stairs and was staring at you. You wondered how many different hands had held blades in front of him. 

"No, I wasn't going-" You began to stammer. 

"Good. Outside. Throw it as far as you can." He said seriously. 

You did as you were told and the cold night swept away any feeling of warmth you had left. You walked back inside and met Tomo's eyes again. You opened your empty hands.

"Thank you. Come upstairs, will you?" 

You slowly walked back up the stairs and collapsed into bed. Shannon's smell drowned you into a deeper sleep then before. 

______________________________________________

You blinked yourself awake quickly as the sun burned into your eyes. Much higher muffled noises woke you this time. You wished harder then you had ever wished for anything that you would walk downstairs and Shannon would be sat on the chair. Safe. Happy. Alive. 
You couldn't help but run as fast as you could down the stairs. Your eyes met the scene: Tomo and Alice. You had to force you smile as Tomo smiled at you from the table. It was clear that both Tomo and Alice had gotten little sleep. 

"Good morning," Tomo spoke happily. "Sleep well?" 

"Fine thank you," You lied. "You?" 

"The same," He spoke in a way that felt like he understood. "Breakfast?" 

"I'll have what you're having." Tomo sat with an empty plate and empty cup in front of him and a worried expression on his face.

"All you need is the plate and cup then," He laughed nervously. The laughter of the broken is worse than the tears. "Come and sit down." 

You sat in front of Tomo and to the right of Alice. 

"Any news on.. Shannon?" You swallowed hard and kept your eyes steady.

"Phone goes to voice mail. He'll be back soon. He always does this!" Tomo laughed nervously again. "This isn't funny!" He shouted as he banged the table with his fist which made you and Alice both jump. "Excuse me." He said as he pushed away from the table and walked upstairs. 

Silently, Alice moved her hand into yours and squeezed hard. 

______________________________________________

You'd spent the last few hours reading in your room with your phone on your lap waiting and hoping. Waiting and hoping. Waiting and hoping. Jared hadn't come out of his room. Alice sat in her room writing. Tomo sat downstairs at the table bouncing his leg. 

That was until the sound of vomiting filled the house. 

You choked on your breath as you raced into the hallway and down the stairs. You could see Tomo retching into the sink with his fists clenched tight, his phone still on call. You quickly forced the phone out of his hand but before you could put it to your ear, the receiver had ended it. You took to rubbing Tomo's back as he slowly caught his breath.

"Tomo - breathe. Okay? Just breathe slowly. It's okay.." You couldn't stop your heart from racing. "What's happened?" 

Tomo choked. 

"It's Shannon.. He.. Overdosed.." He managed to say before another load of vomit sprayed into the sink. 

You dropped with your back against the cupboards. You found a place for your eyes to focus and you collapsed into yourself. Into your head. A million miles away from what was happening here.