"Love is so raw. You can't be specific about it and there are so many different ways to feel, see and hear love"
Lewis Redman Imagines
[most are written as y/n]
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WARNING: mentions of an eating disorder
It had been going on long before you had started your relationship with Lewis. It had started when you were younger. You had always been compared to the other girls, the skinnier girls. During your teenage years was when it had worsened. You had always felt ugly, fat and unworthy. After a mean comment from someone at school one day it snapped.
One night, one lonely night it started, and from then on, you never knew how it would ever stop. The release from the world you felt as you emptied your stomach was indescribable. The pleasure of releasing all the toxins that flooded your body with every meal was amazing. However, it was a very short-lived pleasure as it was overcome by shame and guilt. —– You had a stressful day at work; disagreeing with colleagues and customers had put you on edge all day. Therefore, at lunch, the feelings overcame your actions and you binged. The dark thoughts and feelings had been controlling you for a long time and it was hard to make your own choices for yourself around food. As much as you wanted to stop, you could not. The dark and twisted thoughts controlled your actions even though they made it worse.
It was dark outside with the moon shining high in the sky. Silence filled the air, besides the peaceful breathing of Lewis sleeping next to you. The whole night you had been on edge. Unsettling feelings in your stomach and unsettling thoughts in your mind were not a good match. Staring blankly at the ceiling above you, thoughts continued to make themselves aware in your mind. The words of those who used to tease you when you were younger shouting at you in your head. You carefully pulled the covers away from your body trying not to wake Lewis; you quietly made you way to the bathroom fidgeting with your fingers as nerves surrounded your body. It was dark outside with the moon shining high in the sky, the noise of Lewis peacefully sleeping was drowned out by guilt, and shame was being poured out of your body. Tonight had not been a good night. —- You swiftly entered the lounge room basking in the morning sunlight. Lewis immediately noticed your entrance and asked you to sit down. The butterflies swarmed your stomach as fear displayed on your face. "Y/N I just want to talk to you." He began, "I want you to know that I care about you, you can talk to me, and I'm here to support you." "Okay..." you replied unsure of where the conversation was going and feeling a little uncomfortable. "I heard you last night..." He said breaking the awkward silence between you too. Guiltiness and embarrassment consumed your body as tears escaped your eyes. "I know this is hard Y/N and I just want to help you, I'm here to help you." Lewis tried to comfort you. "I'm so sorry Lewis, I'm so, so sorry," You broke down. "It's okay, just tell me how your feeling, let me help you," Lewis replied.
"I'm sorry, it doesn't have anything to do with you I swear," You began explaining when Lewis embraced you in a hug. "I know it's wrong and I know it's bad... I just can't stop and I don't know what to do" You timidly spoke. "It's okay we can get help Y/N, we can do this, you can do this." Lewis comforted you. "Okay," you replied agreeing to allow Lewis in. No one had ever helped you before and it was so relieving to have the person you love still love you, flaws and all.
