Duplicity [p.h]

chapter four || dr. four, psychotherapist and love life consultant

"DO I WANT to come with you?"

I wring my hands together timidly as I await a response. Asking Peter to come to Erudite with me may not have been the wisest decision. How impulsive of me. I guess you can't really take back the bullet. So, I roll my eyes and shoot him a shy smile.

"Yes, Peter. That's what I asked." He's only met my parents once, at Visiting Day during initiation. Technically, the same thing applies to me, but I know a lot more about his parents than he knows about mine. They held substance in his fear landscape. Mine didn't, really.

"I don't know... do you want me to come with you?" Peter answers.

Seriously?

Peter's unwillingness to answer my question puts me a little on edge. Why is he being so difficult? It's a simple question.

"Do I really need to answer that, Peter?" My arms cross contemptuously over my chest, my smile flatlining and eyes narrowed. "Why do you think I asked?"

"Right..." Peter scratches the back of his neck nervously. That probably means it's a no. I've waited a while for him to say something, anything, but he's just stalling. Sighing, I slide my back up the tree until I'm standing up on my combat boot-clad feet.

"It's okay to say no, you know? I'd rather that then just scratching your neck," I averred, brushing the stray leaves and crumbling dirt off my pants. I begin to walk away, halfheartedly hoping he doesn't follow me. It's impossible for me to turn around. That would be sacrificing my pride. So I don't. I just walk.

I was hoping he'd say yes, if that wasn't clear enough in me just asking if he wanted to come. I want to make sure he feels loved and accepted, especially since he doesn't even have his real, biological parents around with him. It must be hard, not knowing who your real parents are. Then again, how can you miss something you never had? He's scared of being left, and all I want to do is show him that I'm not going to leave him.

Then what am I doing, walking away?

It dawns upon me at that moment that I've broken into something like a jog, in a hasty getaway from the issue at hand. Slow down, I tell myself. Slow down, slow down, slow down. I walk. I stop. All around me are trees. I can just see the beginning of a plethora of Amity billowing into a rustic wooden building if I look ahead; something rustles in the distance behind me. Because of the curving path from where Peter and I were lounging, I can't see him. I rub my bare arms in an attempt to generate heat due to the sudden breeze assaulting me as I gaze out through the canopies of leaves on trees. Unsatisfied with seeing nothing, not anything, but trees, I almost trip on a bump in the ground trying to stumble on back to the compound. Maybe that's all this is. Just another bump in the road.

• • •

"Thanks, Jackson." The sandy-haired male nurse hands me another dose of that medical Miracle Whip for my hand and slides a warm lemon drink across the sterile infirmary table.

"No problem." I grab it with two hands and indulge in a generous sip. It may taste like heaven, but it certainly isn't bringing my mood up much. The mellow yellow drink swirls around in the mug artfully as I stare absentmindedly. Why am I getting worked up over something so small and insignificant? Shouldn't his hesitation to accompany me be a good thing? It'll make my job a lot easier, what with not having to keep lying to his face. Yeah. Definitely a good thing...

The Erudite should be coming for me soon. It will probably be only a few days before I'll be whisked away. Then I won't have to worry about any of this – not including the point in time, somewhere in the near future, when I will make my return to wherever the good Dauntless are. Then I'll have to explain everything and gain everyone's trust back. I'm hoping that will work out well enough. I bring the warm liquid back up to my lips and take a sip. How does this taste so good? The mild citrusy tang paired with an overriding coziness in the steam and just a little bit of sugar soothes my longing tastebuds. You know what I'm craving now? Some Dauntless cake.