Darkness & Light: The Philosophical Path of an Eclectic Pagan

Letter XXI: What We Fear

 My dear friends, there is a great fear that perpetuates around all of us. It is the fear of love.

I am starting to see this alarming pattern in many people who are afraid of love. This stunning and greatly unfortunate trend is making me wonder why such a terror exists in the minds and souls of people. We all speak and even desire to have this great love in our life, but yet, we become greatly fearful once there is a chance for it to come into our lives and we realize how prominent it is in our lives already. We back away, coward in our corners, and stay in our darkness. I wonder, my friends, if this fear of this love, this great light, is that it is a sharp reminder, once more, how much we are not in control of the world around us. With love, we are confronted with a power that is beyond our own rationality and power. This encounter with such a prominent force leads us to scatter and flee from it, wanting it to go peacefully away or worse... never wanting it to exist in the first place. But, I believe, my friends, that this fear comes from the fact that we want to always be in control, and love awakens us to the truth of how our lives our not our own, and they were never meant to live in solitude and confinement.

This is why I believe there is tremendous hurt circulating about in the world around us. Those who choose not to live in the light; those who choose not to live in love, begin to oppress themselves, therefore, begin to oppress others, for it is only simple to deduct that people do to others what they do to themselves. Those who have a lack of self-confidence and trust in themselves will project this lack of confidence and trust to others. If someone always sees themselves as a failure, then they will see others as failures. However, if one learns to love themselves in the most genuine way, then they allow themselves to love others in genuine ways.

This I know to be true, my friends: We will only accept the love that we think we deserve. We can never accept a love that is greater than what we are willing to give ourselves, for it is like being color-blind to certain colors. If a person is able to see a color that I cannot see, any attempt for them to explain the magnificent and beauty of such a color will fall on deaf ears because I cannot understand what I do not see. The only way that I can understand what I cannot see is if I take that arbitrary leap of faith and believe without knowing or seeing. This is why faith and belief is the doorstep to love, because without that willingness to become open to the possibility of something greater than ourselves, then we will never accept anything that will come into our lives that is greater than ourselves. If we are not willing to look past our own vision and understanding, then we will never fully embrace the great joys and complexities of love.

This is why I believe many who struggle greatly with doubt and with pride also struggle to give and accept love from others... despite all valiant attempts from anyone from the outside. This impulse to doubt everything is a self-defense to protect themselves from believing in anything beyond themselves. This doubt covers them; it protects them, but it also shields them from ever experiencing a light and love that is beyond their own human comprehension. They will always remain subject to the surface, shallow human love that is conditional and temporary. They will forever reach into a void in their mind, since they have proclaimed it as non-existent, so, in essence, always chasing after something that they don't even believe exists. How torturous is that? That a person will always chase after something that they don't even acknowledge exists?

This, my friends, is what I define as hell. I know I have not spoken much on the aspects of hell, only because hell, in my belief, is something that every individual person defines themselves. I am convinced that we create our own hell, and in that sense, we create the very monsters that torture us endlessly. Even if we don't create them ourselves, we continue to allow them to torture us until they decide to leave us in ruins... alone, and without love.