Why They Call Me Gray

Day 4

I woke up from my nightmare drenched in sweat. I tried to calm myself down so I could breath normally again. My heart was racing. I sat still for half a minute trying to recover from the bad memory. My mind wandered to Jack, but that only made it worse. I needed to move, to do something to clear my head. I got out of bed and walked quietly towards the closet, not wanting to wake Jade and slipped into the training facility.

"So you can't sleep too?" I jumped at the sound of Jade's voice. She was never up this late in the training facility. 

"What are you doing..." She held up her hand to stop me. She then rubbed her forehead as if she had a headache.

"It's a long story that you probably don't care about so just don't ask." She looked exhausted. I walked up to her.

"I've got nothing but time." She gave me a slight smile and then sat down. We ended up talking for two hours. I learned that she has her first true date with Trevor tomorrow, and she's freaking out because she's never met someone like him, and because of that she really doesn't want to mess this up. She kept asking me for advice which was ironic since she was the one with experience in the whole boyfriend girlfriend area. But I listened to her the whole time, only dazing off a few times. By the time she had finished talking, she was feeling a lot better. I, on the other hand, still had a lot on my mind.

5:36AM

We had been talking for almost three hours, and my mind was still on overload. There were too many questions and bits of information to try and answer and understand.

I rubbed my temples trying to stop the overwhelming wall of thoughts. Jade had gone quiet but I hadn't noticed. Silence surrounded us as we both sat thinking about everything that was going on.

"Look at us." Jade said chuckling. I jumped at the sudden break of silence.

"What do you mean?" I looked at her confused.

"I mean that here we are. The presumably toughest girls in the world sitting here at 5:39AM not being able to sleep because of two boys. Two average dumb boys." She chuckled again. A small smile appeared on my face.

"Yeah." She turned and looked at me.

"Speaking of which. What's going on with you and Jack." I cringed not liking the way she said 'you and Jack'. I let out a sigh before speaking.

"I still don't think it's a good idea. Me getting close to him. It's just that..."

"He's getting too close." Jade finished for me.

I nodded.

"I can never tell him who I really am. I could never have a normal relationship. And after what happened to Trenton..." My voice cracked at the thought of him. I hated this. Feeling vulnerable.

"Silver. You can't let that hold you back forever." She said in a gentle tone. She knows this is a touchy subject for me.

"What am I supposed to do then? Just let other people get hurt?" I said a bit too harshly. I know that's not what she meant, but she just doesn't understand. She wasn't there.

"Did I ever tell you about my mission in Hawaii?"

I shook my head. I didn't remember her ever saying anything about Hawaii. She continued.

"It was my first mission. I was sent to protect this person there, but that's not important. The point is that I met someone there. Their name was Jamie. He was the same age as me and he was very special to me. He actually took me out a few times and the day before I left he told me that he loved me. I liked him so much and I wanted to stay with him forever. But fate had another idea. The program moved me to London the next day. I didn't even have time to say goodbye. I was just gone, like that," she snapped her fingers. "That's why I never got too attached to people. Because I couldn't bear to cause pain to anyone like I did to Jamie. But now there's Trevor. And he's made me realize that pain doesn't have to last forever. That we can move on after those things happen. That at some point it becomes time to let go of the past. Silver, I get that some messed up stuff has happened in our lives, but it's in the past, it's supposed to stay there. We can't go living through life pushing away what's right in front of us because we are still holding on to something long gone. And I know you hate that I'm saying this, but maybe it's time to let go and live a little. Try and let Jack in and if something bad happens you can say I told you so, but give him a chance Silver. He deserves it, but even more so than that, you deserve it." And with that she placed a hand on my shoulder and then walked away.