Messy Mind Writings

Some Expressions of Pain

You took your pain

and you

sharpened it

into a weapon.

I know no one else

with such a terrible skill.

-

How do you speak to someone deafened by their own screams?

-

I had to pull you

from my heart.

I couldn't take it

anymore.

Removing you cut me

like a blade of steel 

and I let my pain 

pour.

-

You were broken, how did you break me too?

-

To force submission with fear is to forfeit the heart.

-

I bled and bled and bled for you until the floor was red.

And you know what you said?

"More."

-

[I'm sorry about all this morbid stuff, I had to end a friendship and I just needed to get my pain out of my system.]

1/17/18

You are drowning

And I know it's not my fault

But just to see your struggles

Burns my wounds as if with salt.

-

I wish I could be heartless

and feel no empathy.

Because if I could be heartless

your pain would not hurt me.

-

Is it wrong

to wish you away?

To hope you'll leave

a place I know you'll always stay?

I pray for your growth

and healing on your own.

But selfishly I wish

that healing place wasn't also my home.

-

2/1/18

Sometimes I

don't feel alright.

and sometimes I

just want to cry.

But why?

-

Why are hearts

so full of parts

that feel the sharp

pain that arcs

and always starts

to tear apart

the stitches that are

so very hard

to keep together?

-

I have always forgiven. 

It is my way.

If I could forgive

I could forget

my pain.

To forget is to move on.

But

I haven't forgiven

you just yet.

What you did to me

I will never forget.

I try and try

to let it go.

So I can move on.

But

It cut too deep

the blade you used

the one you sharpened

with your own pain.

So I have this wound

that I don't know

if I can close

so that means that I

can't let go.

Because if I can't forgive

I can't forget.

Is this wound in me

Forever set?