Mind Over Matter | KLANCE

FOUR + FIVE: Red Flag/Millstone

Igniting, extinguishing: repeat, repeat, repeat.

The lighter in Keith's hand flicked with fire for seconds before being blown away, the heavy gusts of wind on the balcony too strong in the early morning. With each kindle of fire, the memories from hours past wash over him, more powerful than any downpour he ever experienced. All the emotions that exploded before him were now caged up, and to be forgotten about, hopefully for long enough that the feeling diminishes completely. Ignite.

There was nothing that would happen to them, nothing blossoming and nothing wilting. He would retain a strictly-friendly relationship with Lance, even if that meant deceiving his true feelings for him, even if that meant leaving himself to be yearning until he could distance himself from the flame of affection lighting in his heart. Extinguish.

Ambient sounds of the nightlife in Brooklyn were dimming out to nothingness as the sun rose, the stillness of the quiet being a source of comfort for Keith. After the conversation and epiphany from the previous night, he found himself lost in what was happening around him as he isolated himself from the manners of his mind and soul. The matter he was faced with was inevitably one of massive weight to it, and had two sides to itself with unfavorable outcomes: unlike any penny he possessed, he could only see the probability of one side happening in his unfair reality. And instead of dealing with it, he would seal it away for safekeeping, and focus on other smaller issues he found himself deluged in. Ignite.

Miles worth of the skyline could be seen from where he was loitering, yellows and oranges painting the horizon under the Brooklyn bridge while the upper half was still drowning in a gradient of blacks and blues. The sight was captivating from the McClain's balcony, something he could never watch back in the shed he squatted in when there was nowhere else he could be. Rather than the calm that came with the sun rising, loneliness bubbled inside of Keith, even if he denied that it consequently stemmed off from the way he behaved. Ache was something that resided inside and outside his limits: he could quarantine off any emotions, but he could not sever the pain signals in his nerves from his inflamed foot.

Extinguish.

An itch to smoke was pounding inside his mind, fingernails scratching on the lighter to hold himself back. The habit must be broken if he wanted to become a better person, and free from any dependency – but the cigarette pack he swiped off a smoker in Smithtown was calling his conscience, leaving beckoning voicemails of 'you need me' in his thoughts, looping constantly without missing a beat. And then in the midst of his withdrawal of nicotine and the pathetic way he convinced himself to not think of Lance, Lance came into his thoughts without warning, along with the cigarette burns he acquired on his wrist.

"I should quit," He whispered to nobody, snapping the lid on his lighter shut and letting it out of his grasp. Keith watched it descend from stories high, landing somewhere he could not see from the balcony. After letting out a rattled sigh, he pivoted away from the edge, eyes catching a figure in the unlit apartment: no doors were heard opening, and Keith was certain that he was not dazed out enough to not hear the creaks of them.

A light flicked on in the bathroom in the time it took him to turn around, Keith squinting in suspicion and heading inside. The front entrance was opened slightly, still not fully closed – this was enough proof that there was an intruder to the ever-doubtful boy, who kicked the door shut and grabbed the nearest object to him to act as a weapon: a broom. Two swallows later, he tiptoed his way over to the invaded bathroom, steam already drifting out from under the lopsided entryway. Broom to his left, a fist on his right, Keith nudged the unclosed door further open, being bombarded with a humid heat and smoke-like steam from the shower. The lyrics to "Bootylicious" were being belted out, loud enough to be barely heard over the water gushing down.