only choice

one

       The commander of death, they called her. Death to the silence and death to the calm. And yet, death had consumed her. Left in ashes, only a memory to carry her back down to earth.
         The glistening orb, dark greys and blues, of a barren world sprawled out before him. An empty world orbiting an empty solar system. Bellamy had to wonder then, looking out at everything, if death was the commander after all. Life for the sake of living, tasted bitter. And so did what was left of his drink. He took a final gulp, leaning back against the cool wall of his room. Sweat pooled on his lower back, wetting his shirt. A brief knock sounded and his thoughts were interupted by none other than a fuming, Raven Reyes.
        "Up, Bellamy" she demanded, "Get up."
        "Come in," he slurred, chinking his nearly empty glass in a "cheers" to no one.
        "Stop it! I can't watch you do this to yourself. Its pathetic," she gripes, kicking at the foot of his bed.
       "No one asked you to watch, Raven. You're doing fine without me," he mumbles, a burning in his throat. Space seems exceptionally vast today.
        Raven leans down to Bellamy's slouching height and touches his cheek. He is cold, wet, unkept. His beard scratches lightly at her fingers and she remembers a vibrant young man. A hero. A king. A warrior.
       "You're better than this. You can't take it back," she fumbles with the words to say - "Clarke is gone. The living are here for you."
       "Why are the living wasting their time?" Bellamy croaks, "Tell me, Reyes. Which one of you can answer that?"
       "Go to hell, Bellamy" she snorts, slamming the door. Behind her, glass shatters. Bellamy sobs. Another bottle in the basket.

       If the trees in the forest
had mouths to speak
what would they say?
what do they think?
If the birds in the sky
were as lonely as I
what would they say?
where would they fly?
       Clarke hums a simple tune to herself, sharpening her blade on a stone. Before her, a fresh canvas. A tree struck down by the lighting storms. She's torn away the bark and the surface is clear. She wills herself to remember. The shape of his nose. His mouth. Count the freckles. The eyes. As soon as they appear, they vanish like chasing fog. Her heart is grasping at straws. She squints her eyes shut to imagine his voice, the way he stood tall. Bellamy. Bellamy.
         And maybe now, she's screaming out loud, because Maddy is prying the blade from her.
         "Clarke, let go!"
         "I-I can't remember! I don't remember," she sobs, letting go. Maddy kicks it aside and wraps her arms around Clarke, rocking gently.
          "Its okay. Shhh," Maddy tries her best to sooth Clarke but she knows the truth. The nightmares make Clarke talk in her sleep. They left her behind. And now they're leaving her memory too.