Mute ~ Joshler

Chapter eleven

     Stunned, Tyler ran.  He ran fast, faster than he imagined.  Everything Tyler ever felt was spilling out, and to tell you the truth, it was painful. 

His head throbbed and his stomache ached.  He couldn't believe what he just did. 

Tyler felt like he was going to throw up and that's exactly what he did when he got home. 

                        Josh
I stood there like an idiot for a few seconds, taking in everything I felt, everything Tyler felt. 

I probably shouldn't have enjoyed the kiss but I did.  I really liked it, and that's exactly what I was going to tell Tyler.

"I love you, Tyler,"
"I love you too, Josh,"

Everything was played out in my head and I was excited.  My body shook with anticipation.  Tomorrow was Saturday. 

Saturday afternoon I'll go over to Tyler's house and bring dark red roses.  My favorite color is dark red, it reminds me of how my mother used to be, sweet but quite bossy. 

It made my smile grow wider having all of those thoughts swirling around in my head. 

Suddenly those thoughts hid in the dark corners of my mind, I was home.  I sighed and walked towards my porch. 

I opened the door and quietly shut it behind me.  "Josh," my mom said excitedly and I smiled remembering her old self.  I turned around and she hugged me. 

Years pricked in the corners of my eyes.  "I love you so much Josh," she said happily and we both cried with joy. 

And then I woke up, realizing it was all just a dream.  I thought for a second.  Tyet kissed me and I ran home and went to sleep.

I sniffed.  The sniff became a cry.  I didnt want to cry but I couldn't help myself.  I missed my mom.  More than anything. 

I layed back down and desperately tried to go to sleep and have the same dream. 

Wishing it wasn't just a dream, wishing and praying and hoping one day everything would go back to normal and she would be her cheerful old self. 

The mom I used to know, the mom that would wake me up in the morning by singing, the mom that would watch funny movies with me and fluff my hair up. 

The mom who didn't feel the need to even look in the direction of any sort of alcohol or drug.

How did this happen? I thought for a moment, hanging out with the wrong people after dad left. 

I dont see him anymore, one day I saw my mom crying at the kitchen table and she told me, he left, he didn't love us anymore. 

"Josh," my mom called and I rubbed my eyes "yeah," I said weakly "come down for dinner," she said and I raised my eyebrows. 

She hasn't made dinner in a while.  I smiled, maybe she's changing. 

I looked myself over in the mirror and ran downstairs.  I grabbed a plate and some chicken.

"Wow mom, this looks wonderful," I said and she rolled her eyes.  I didnt feel like eating.   I dont know why I keep thinking she'll change. 

"Mom, can we talk?" I asked "Josh," she sighed "I'm busy," "Oh, sorry," I mumbled, moving my thumbs. 

She sat down across from me.  "Hey, mom, remember that time we got-" "Josh, please," my mom said raising by her voice quite a bit. 

Tears pricked the corners of my eyes "I'm sorry mom," I said getting up from my seat.

"I love you," I said in hopes she'd say it back to me, but, she didn't. 
Silence it could be so loud but so quiet. 

That night I hate to admit, I cried, like a baby, I silently sobbed until I fell asleep.