The journey to here

4

"Shh, baby" Meredith murmured, still pressing me against the wall. It was hard to keep quiet; harder than you'd think. She had two fingers inside me, angled upwards just rubbing on my spot. Her thumb was rubbing periodic circles, in time with her fingers, on my clit on top of that. It was too much stimulation all at once.

"Don't come" Meredith commanded. I couldn't really remember her getting her hand down my pants; all I know is that one second I was me, and the next I'd completely let go. "Not yet, baby, hold it" she worked her fingers harder, I had to bite my lip to keep quiet.

Delicately, she leaned in to suck a purple mark into my shoulder, one among many she'd created. I didn't know how much longer I'd last, I didn't think I could hold it in. Hell, I didn't even think I should be holding it in. But I was overwhelmed with the urge to do exactly what she said, even though I thought she was a whore.

"Alright baby, when I tap your hips, you can come. I was about to ask why she'd have to tap my hips instead of just simply telling me, when she dropped to her knees and pulled my scrubs down just enough to expose what she wanted.

I could've fucking died right there.

Her tongue on me felt too damn good; if I wasn't going to last before, I certainly wasn't going to now. But stubbornly, I held my breath and silenced my moans, every muscle in my body tensed up as tight as they could go. I focused every bit of my energy on not fucking coming.

It felt like five years, but she finally, fucking finally, tapped my hips. And when she did, I completely let go. I had to bite my own hand to keep from screaming out. My body shook, and I slid to the floor, sobbing in pleasure.

I hated Meredith, I hated her for doing that to me and I hated her for making me hold my orgasm. I hated her, but when she slid to the floor with me and held my shaking body, I forgot that I hated her.

"Good job, baby girl" she praised "good job, you did so good, so good for me" her voice was a coo, as she smoothed the hair out of my face. Gently, much more gentle then I'd ever witnessed her handle me, she rocked my still spasming form over and over, while still telling me how good I was.

My stomach fluttered with pride. It had been so long since someone had been like this with me; if ever. It had been so long since someone told me I did something right, because god knows all Derek did was remind me of my failures, my faults.

It was wrong, it should've felt wrong. Having Meredith make me come so hard and then treat me this way. But it felt so right, it was the best thing I'd felt in a while.

Wordlessly, when I regained myself, I stood up and pulled up my pants, wasting no time in running as far away as I could get from the confusion and shame I felt just thinking about how much I liked what Meredith did to me.

She was such a whore.

~

It was hard for me to figure out how I felt; I was again, avoiding Meredith, to try and figure out how to feel.

I suppose it's not how I'm feeling, rather, what I'm feeling.

On one hand, I knew this was fifty different kinds of wrong, probably more if I actually counted them all. I knew I was cheating on my husband, I knew Meredith was more than likely using me, and I knew being her boss also complicated things.

On the other hand, I liked it. I liked someone else taking control, someone else handing out the orders, someone else worrying about the decisions. I spent all day in an OR where I decided what to do, I made the decisions, I was always in control. And it was absolutely tiring to be in charge of other people's lives all day. Meredith being in charge of me, even for just a short time, made me feel so relieved. Like water on a warm day.