Sanders Sides One Shots

An Unshielded Prince

Roman's POV

I sighed in defeat and sat up in bed. It was late at night, and I couldn’t sleep. I was out helping Thomas most of the day. We brainstormed, even brought the other traits to help at one point. We did come up with ideas, and although I didn’t say it, I wasn’t satisfied with them. I felt like… I could do better. Like I let them all down. And, I know that’s not true… but it sure didn’t feel like it.

I got out of bed and exited my room. Surely a mug of hot chocolate could help. I couldn’t help but notice that Virgil’s lights were still on, streaming into the hallway from the crack beneath his closed room door. I walked past the common room and into the kitchen, deciding not to disturb him.

I popped the kettle on and sat down on the counter, hoping the kettle wouldn’t wake the others. I put my head in my hands and sighed again. I need to get it together.

I felt… drained. Pumping out idea after idea wasn’t easy.

And as much as I act brave and confident, that’s all it is, an act. And of course, I do represent Thomas’ bravery, and self love, and so, to a certain degree, it’s just who I am. But even I know that I’m over the top sometimes. I can’t help it.

As much as I claim I’m the knight in shining armour, the prince of the lands, I’m just as frail as the others. I fall too, but I guess the others never realized that. That’s okay, I wouldn’t hold it against them. I have too much pride to go crying into Morality’s arms or something anyway.

The kettles was done. I finally looked up, and was startled for a moment. Virgil was standing in the kitchen entrance, staring at me with wide eyes and confusion. I didn’t have the energy to do much about it. I hopped off the counter and turned around, opening the cupboard full of mugs. I pulled one out, and hesitated.

“Hot chocolate?” I asked him, without turning around. His response was delayed,

“Uh, yeah, sure…”

I pulled out another mug and made the warm beverages. I turned around, a mug in each hand. He was sat down at the table, gazing outside at the night. I gently set a mug in front of him and sat down beside him, not wanting to go back to my room yet.

“Thanks…” he muttered. I nodded slightly and looked into the mug before me as he pulled his closer to him, taking in it’s warmth.

I could feel Anxiety’s eyes on me, watching me as I stared into the brown drink. Then he spoke up.

“What’s wrong?”

I looked up at him in confusion, “What…?”

“Something’s wrong, Princey.”

I was shocked for a moment. Nobody ever asked me if I was okay. And usually I was. I tried to hide these dire times from everyone else, I never wanted them to worry. Still, I felt the urge to completely spill to Virgil. Although we tease each other a lot, and that banter would return in the morning, at the end of the day, we knew each other best, and cared for one another. It was a silent understanding between the two of us, and if there was anyone for me to talk to about all of this, it was him.

Still, I held back. “Oh? It’s nothing… just not feeling like my creative self…” I said, which, wasn’t a lie. I turned my gaze back down to the mug in front of me.

He looked at me in disbelief, “The last time that happened, you were even more over the top, Roman. This,” he gestured to me, “this is something different… and I don’t like it.” He said.

Now I really was shocked. Was he always this observant? I sighed for the third time tonight, I knew he wouldn’t leave me alone if I kept refusing to tell him. He’s persistent.

I shook my head slightly, “Not here..” I said, and motioned for the back door. He understood and nodded, and so we both got up and walked out onto the back porch. He closed the door and I sat down on the ground, against the house. He plopped down next to me. We sat in silence for a few moments, both of us looking at the stars above us.

“My job isn’t as easy as it looks.” I start, “Always being the one with the originality. Constantly pulling ideas out of my head. It’s not bad… but it sure is exhausting. Especially like today. Nothing I did, or said, was… enough. I feel like I’m not enough. I know that I say that you’re what’s holding Thomas down from… from doing what he wants in life, and creating his path to walk on, but I’m starting to think that I’m the one not capable of taking him there. And it feels… awful.” I slouch a bit more, shrugging, “I don’t know… maybe I’m just delusional because of how late it is…”

We sat in silence for a while. A comfortable silence, beneath the stars.

“Do you always feel like that…?” Anx asked from beside me. I shrug again,

“Sometimes… I don’t like being like this around everyone else… because this isn’t me. This isn’t the regular bouncing Roman that hums down the hallways and slays dragon-witches. This is… this is stripped down Roman, this is the bad part about being the creative side… when the creativity runs dry.” I blurt.

We sat in a few more minutes of silence before he spoke again, “Just saying, Thomas probably wouldn’t have gotten as far as he has without you Roman. And it’s just… it’s just stupid for you to think, as his literal hopes and dreams, that you’re holding him back.” he says. He’s right, it is stupid.

I chuckle bitterly, “Tell that to the thoughts that keep me up at night.” As soon as the words escape my mouth, I feel his fingers intertwine with mine.

I was shocked for a moment, but recovered quickly. It was nice… warmth cutting through the cold air. It reminded me that he was there. Not only physically, but mentally too, if I needed it. And I think that’s the message he wanted to get across.

I lean over and rest my head on his shoulder, “Thanks Anxy…” I mutter. He stiffens up, but only for a second before relaxing to my weight, “Don’t call me that.”

{...}

I woke up the next morning with a blanket draped over me and a warmth to my right. Virgil. We were still outside, leaning on each other, our fingers still laced together. The blanket… it must’ve been of Patton’s doing. I looked down at it, it had a simple plaid design, in black and white. I recognized it, it came from Logan’s room. I couldn’t help but to crack a grin. Maybe I’m not as alone as I thought.

-{}-

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