Be there

four

Whatever I lose, is put back by you in a way that you'll never know.

The hospital, next town, was small and crowded. There were no beds left, too many poeple in one room and the staff seemed really stressed.
Still Oliver was happy to be there. The doctors said that if he wouldn't have called she would've died.
Something inside him broke, hearing that. He knew she wasn't the most happy person on this planet, but he thought that he could make her feel a bit better. He thought he actually had a small impact on her. It tore him down to see that she's still suicidal and that she's still the girl she was when he met her two years ago.
And he didn't blamed her for that, but he blamed himself. For not doing enough, for not helping enough, for not being there enough. He blamed himself for her being bad.
All these thoughts were just leading to one conclusion. She would be better off wothout him. Then he couldn't hurt her anymore, he wouldn't make things worse when he is supposed to make them better. He wouldn't be the reason she would try to kill herself.

But that's exactly what she did. She tired to kill herself. With heroin and vodka.

And no matter how hard he tried to come to peace with the thought of staying away from her, he couldn't. She was beauty in his eyes, she was all he ever wanted. She is all he ever wants, and all he ever needs. He's in love with her, and everything she does.
When he loses himself she is there to hold him and listen to his words, taking her thumb and wiping the tears away telling him his face is to beautiful to let tears ruin it.
When he throws up, she would caress his back and tell him how this is nothing bad.
When he would make a mistake, she would tell hime mistakes just make us human.
She would do all these little things to make him feel better and put back the pieces that he lost.
She does so many things without even realising it. She is his hero. At least that's how he would describe her.
All these thoughts are drowning him while he was sitting in a chair next to the hospital bed.
She was stable and in a normal room, but it scared him. He was afriad that things like these happen again.

He wasn't ready to lose her.