Before I fall.. ~ One Direction in the Hunger Games.

Before I fall. ~ Chapter 7.

FIRST OF ALL -

I owe you an apology for not posting this part in a long, long time. I thought I posted it once but it got lost and turn into ash and nothing, so I had to write it again. Here it is; and I'm sorry for the spelling mistakes, and the weirdness and the quotes - because I swear, I've never written such a bad story.

I'm sorry. I hope you enjoy, tho.

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I’ve never actually thought that much about how I would die. Sure, I would’ve had a few good reasons, including the Capitol that has been hating on me for more than two years, but I’ve never been able to see how lucky I actually am to still be alive. Zayn’s whole family got killed. Louis’ family got separated. Comparing to them, I’m one hell of a lucky asshole.

But now I do think about dying, dead, death. “Dying,” is all I whisper, the whole time my team is preparing me for meeting my stylist. If they care or hear it, they don’t show it. “Dead. Death.” I personally think I was being stupid. Naïve. How could I ever think the Capitol would leave me alone? How could I ever think I would live forever, too?

My team can’t stop fangirling over me. The guy is the worst. For some reason, I’ve always attracted the old persons more than the younger ones, and this guy isn’t an exception. I think he’s around forty. It’s quite difficult to guess someone’s age when he has bones on his head, instead of hair. His name is Sticky.

I don’t listen to the things they say to me. I don’t care about it either. I can’t stop thinking about my conversation with President Snow. He scared me. But I scared him too, and I was right. My concern for my own survival isn’t compelling enough. He needs someone to treat me with. And the stupid thing is that I only just realized I gave him people to treat me with. If I never formed a band, none of us would be dead. None of us would be in trouble. We’d be living in this world; a world we didn’t create, we’re just the poor fools living in it.

If I wasn’t used to pain by now, I’m sure they would’ve hurt me. But now, I barely feel anything. I don’t even know how long it takes them to make me ‘beautiful’ enough to see my stylist. But finally, they send me to an empty room where I have to wait totally naked. Sticky and the two girls stay with me, but I think it has more to do with me being naked than really waiting for my stylist, because as soon as the woman walks into the room, they leave it.

And I’m so shocked I can’t breathe anymore. Once again, this is a face I know. And now I know for sure I’m not going to win the games. Because this girl has been hating me for as long as I can remember. When I moved to District 12, she was waiting for me and my family at the train to laugh at us, to shout at me. It was freezing, and still she was waiting there.

Dawn Baker.

I don’t even know how much she hates me. Maybe even more than I hate President Snow. I never knew why she hated me, and I don’t even want to know. All I care about now is that I will never even have one little chance to survive the games, or help one of my friends survive it. Because she will make sure I fail in front of the whole Capitol.

This is just another game of the Capitol. And the sickest part, despite everything, is that I have to play it with their rules.

And I run. I just run out of the room, totally naked. There was a time I barely wore clothes. Not because I wanted to show my body, but because it made me feel free. Free, for the first time in my life – like birds gathering on against a flapping wind. And I run. I don’t know where to. I run for I don’t know how long. The hallways are empty, and nobody stops me. I run for minutes, or hours maybe. I think I turned crazy. And the sickest part, despite everything, is that I don’t care. I’d rather be crazy my way than think their way. And then I hear someone shouting my name.