What You Don't See

Faith

**TRIGGER WARNING, PROCEED WITH CAUTION**

She felt empty inside

She shouldn’t have, she didn’t even know the girl

She didn’t know the girl who choked on her tears as she wrote her goodbye note with shaky fingers

She didn’t know the girl who squeezed her eyes shut as she forced the pills down her throat

She didn’t know the girl whose eyes fluttered shut and whose lifeless body hit the floor, empty

She didn’t know her

She didn’t even try to know her

She should’ve been crying, she knew

She should’ve been mourning the loss of a beautiful girl that was loved

But all she felt was guilt

Would it have made a difference?

She wondered,

If I had complimented her hair, or said I liked her shoes?

Could I have stopped this?

She was beautiful, she realized, as she looked at her yearbook picture

She was beautiful, and loved, and it wasn’t fair

It wasn’t fair that she was gone when she should’ve been there,

It wasn’t fair that she didn’t have anyone to tell her that,

And it wasn’t fair!

Tears blurred her vision and she clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle a sob

Because she knew-

She could’ve stopped her

All it would’ve taken was a smile and some kind words

An extended hand and a joke

The patting of an empty seat and the offering of an outing together

A friend

But she was gone

And she wasn’t ever coming back

Hey, guys... So I know that this is more dark than what I usually post, but I needed to get this out.
A girl I almost knew recently died. It hasn't been confirmed, but there's proof that it was suicide. This poem is literally my thoughts.
This is for you, Faith. I hope you're in a better place now. I won't lie, I didn't know you. I didn't know your last name, or your favorite color, hell, we haven't seen each other in so long I don't even remember your eye color.
But I loved you. I loved you in the way a girl loves another, in the way a human being loves another. I wish I said something to you. I wish I made you smile, even if just for a second.
I wish you were still here.
But you're not.
And so this is for you, Faith. May you rest in peace.

And to my wonderful readers:

I love you. I know I've said it before, but I love you. I don't just love you as a reader, I love you as a person too. Which is why I'm giving you the following number:
1-800-273-8255
It's the suicide prevention line number. If you need to, call it. You may think that you're alone, but you're not. You're never alone. In the immortal words of BTS, you never walk alone.
If you don't want to call it, that's fine. PM me instead. I mean it. I will be there for you, I'll be your friend and I'll always be there for you, whether you need me or not. You can tell me anything, reveal the ugliest parts of you, and I promise you I won't run.
I love you.
Know that no matter what, I will always love you.
And maybe, just maybe, I- or the helpline- can help you love yourself.