Stay Alive (Joshler)

Chapter Five

Josh's POV

Once again Tyler left and I haven't seen him since. I truly hope he is okay.

I enter my house. As I walk into the kitchen I see Frank with a bored look on his face, playing on his phone.

"Hey." I say, hanging my keys up.

"Hey" he sighs.

"Where's Gee?"

"He locked himself in his room. He is pissed with me because I said he can't have a beer. He got violent so I picked him up and put him in his bed and he locked himself in there." Frank says.

"Violent?" Gerard's never been violent...

"Yeah. Not with me though. He kept kicking stuff and he broke a glass, threatening to kill himself...it scared me but I stayed for him...for us..." Frank sighed again.

"I-Im sorry he did that...he has never been like that before..." I say.

"Don't punish him, he wasn't himself. He was angry with himself I think. Angry that he let himself be like this. Josh I think he truly wants to die and im so scared...Josh im so scared!" Frank sobs.

I go up to Frank and hug him.

"I-Im gonna go home a-and sleep now...tell him to call when he is calm or whatever...bye" Frank say's as he leaves.

I pick the lock of Gerard's door and open it quietly. I notice he isn't there. He must be in his bathroom. I knock on the bathroom door and I hear a sob.

"Gerard, its Josh. Can I come in?" I ask.

"N-no!" Gerard yells.

I know Gerard too well. I know that he will say no but he actually does want me there to cuddle him.

"Gerard please unlock the door" I say.

I hear the lock click to unlocked and I open it to see Gerard sitting in the corner.

"Gee..." I was lost for words. He looks utterly destroyed.

I sit next to him. He leans his head on my shoulder and begins to cry.

"I hurt F-Frank..." He sobs

"You what? He said you didn't touch him..." I am so confused now...

"I slapped him...he held me back from getting a beer and I slapped him...Josh I SLAPPED HIM! OH MY GOSH IM AN ABUSIVE BOYFRIEND! JOSH HE WILL HATE ME! I HATE ME!"

"Gerard, you're having a panic attack. Just breathe in and out slowly.

"I CANT BREATHE JOSH! IM DYING! HELP!" he screams.

I pin him so im straddling his hips, holding his hands above his head.

"Gerard...in and out just breathe!" I say but I notice he isn't listening. He is panicking.

"GERARD! BREATHE!" I scream.

Gerard shakes his head crying more than I've ever seen.

"I can't Josh...please just let me die...please!" he sobs.

"NO!" I yell.

Nobody asks if im okay, no I just help everyone else. Here I am pinning my best friend to the ground trying to make him breathe through a panic attack while he pleads with me to let him kill himself and not only that but I have to sort out Frank and on top of that I have Tyler stuck in my fucking head! Can I just be at peace for once? Someone just ask me how im doing!

"J-Josh..." Gerard starts but I don't listen. Nobody listens to me so why should I fucking listen!

"JOSH!" Gerard screams.

I look down at the worried looking Gerard.

"Josh get off me...I-it hurts..." He says as I realize im pinning him hard to the tiled floor.

I slide off him and look away in confusion. How long was I pinning him? Did I just hurt my best friend because I blacked out with anger?

"Gerard...Im sorry" I say as he lays staring at the ceiling. Is he okay?

"Josh..." He trailed off.

Gerard sat up and I noticed the bulge in his pants. He noticed and went bright red.

"Is that my fault?" I ask with a smirk.

"Shut up...if you were there any longer I would have come" Gerard laugh's awkwardly.

"Heh...yeah..." I reply.

"Josh thank you. Im sorry you have to put up with me..." he says.

"Gee, you're my best friend. I will always be here for you." I say.

"What do I do about Frank? I slapped him..."

"Say sorry and explain why you did it?"

"Yeah. I ah...im gonna take care of my um...situation in my pants...get out..." Gerard laughs awkwardly again.

"Oh. Ah...okay bye..." I rush out.