The Lost Souls

Encounter

I'll block it out for a few hours, all my curiosity. I'll block it out and then I'll think about it tomorrow. My head will be clearer, less confused and afraid. Less clouded. I'll take a walk, get some fresh air. I hope it doesn't rain. I'll figure it out, I have to, or I'll spiral into further depression.

I don't like situations like this. I've never even heard of situations like this. Why me? What could I have possibly done? This sort of thing doesn't happen. I live quietly, I don't get into fights, I don't drink, I stick to the curfew. I do everything Society tells me to because there's no point fighting back, what could tiny little me do to Society? Nothing.

So why?

I sigh. I told myself I'd stop thinking about it. Ignore it. Block it out. Pretend it never happened. I should listen, its right, it's always right. I listen, I light a vanilla coloured candle instead, it looks out of place in the dark. So light, so bright and waxy, it doesn't blend in like it should. I place it on the window sill next to me, it won't burn out for a while, it's a big one. But I should shut the window, in case the breeze shakes it out.

As I reach for the handle to pull it shut, I feel something out of place in the direction of the abandoned houses. Looking at them will scare me but I do it anyway because my curiosity gets the better of me.

I blink. Something moved. A black blob, a silhouette against the fading moonlight, but only a silhouette. Barely there, but still there. It scares me so hard that I hide myself, crouching against the wall under the window and then sitting back against it, breathing hard. In my panic, the candle dropped, I knocked it over. And I panic again because I lit it. I pick it up carefully; the wick is burnt, but not lit anymore. There's an ashy burn on the floorboard. I place it beside me, not looking while I do; it falls from unbalance and rolls across the floor. I watch it go, too unbothered by it to claim it back.

I probably imagined it, I must have, no one lives in those houses anymore, they've been abandoned for years. I must have imagined it. I definitely won't look again, even if it costs what I think I saw. It's not worth it. It's not worth scaring myself over.

I leave the rest of the candles as they are; I sleep with them on because the dark will scare me more. I feel uneasy. It's hot because of the lights, and I bury myself under the covers. I don't care that sweat is covering the back of my neck right now, I just want to sleep. I will myself to sleep, clenching my eyes shut and counting to 100, the open window forgotten.

*

I walk, thinking as I walk, into the torn up forest which stands a small walk away from my home. My worn out grayish-brown boots, caked in dirt from similar walks. It clears my head. I go there, thinking I'll be able to think and solve whatever problem I have but normally, my head races with so many thoughts, I can't focus on just one. Forests have too many sounds, bird rustling, twig snapping, chattering from some kind of animal that moves too fast for me see. In the end, I just sit there because it swallows me up in a comforting way.

Does that make sense? I'll try to make sense of it. The sounds in the forest drown out worrying thoughts. With the visit of this soldier, I have too many worrying thoughts. It swallows up the things that I want to get away from, that's what it does. But it's just for a little while because no one can hide from their problems forever. Problems have to be solved; there is always an answer at the end of every problem. I'm not sure where I learnt it from but it sticks to me.

Speaking of which, where is he? He said he was going to look around town, it's been a day. His dark eyes come to mind, nothing cunning in them from what I could see. Or has my mind recreated the memory? Minds can do that.

Is he really one of them, a Virtue? It could hardly be a lie, just by the circumstances of how he came. Dressed for the summer, there has never been a summer in Sin from what I know. He even looked different, pale but a tint of a tan which somehow made his dark eyes stick out more. And he offered to show identification. He wasn't lying. And somehow, that bothers me more.