The Lost Souls

First Kiss

It's quieter in here, like we're in some kind of private bubble. The flakes fall slower here too, less in hurry to reach the floor. But it's deeper, up to my ankles at least. It takes a lot more strength on my calves to trudge through the snow banks. But the snow makes it look different, like another world and I don't recognize any of it. 

I'm starting to get irritated by his silence now; I want to know why he left. 

He's not real. 

I check again to see if he's walking next to me. His footsteps match mine, and his hands sit in the pockets of his thin jacket. I look at him in doubt, could I imagine someone like this? I couldn't imagine it. I'm not smart enough. He has to be real. Or I'm crazier than I thought. I take a deep breath which fogs out in front of me, and then I ask. "Why did you leave?" I didn't think he'd tell me unless I asked, because he doesn't owe me anything. I couldn't keep waiting for the answer; I've been battling with myself for too long wondering what's real and what's not. I need answers.

He sighs and I wonder if he saw this coming. "I didn't want to," He speaks quietly. I wonder if he's saying it or I'm imagining him saying what I want to hear. He looks at the flecks of white falling from the sky, catching them on his fingertips. 

"Then why?"

"I had to report back and I just felt like I need to get away for a while," He avoids my gaze, the smile has disappeared, the corners of his mouth have turned down into a frown, I don't like the look on his face. I feel like I've done something wrong, I shouldn't have asked. He speaks up again after a few minute after I find myself at one of my usual spots in the forest, the fallen trunk. It's caked with snow and I dust enough of it off to sit on it. "I needed more things from home too," I nod, wondering what he might have needed that he couldn't find here. 

I feel like I still don't have what I wanted to know. But it's not like I can ask the same question again. 

"So what did you do while I was away?" I haven't really contributed to the conversation very much, I'm still figuring out a way to get more. I look up and he's looking directly at me, snow is falling on my already damp hair. 

"Erm...I just slept a lot," I mentally slap myself, what a horrible answer.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, it was urgent," I see a look in his eyes I can't figure out. 

"You don't owe me anything,"

"But I made a promise."

"So?" I shrug, stepping off the trunk and walking further into the trees. It's stopped falling from worn-out clouds but the breeze picks up and swirls the tufts of white from the ground. My gloves are soggy from dusting off the cold. My toes are numb in my socks and shoes. The tension between us has grown, I think it'll stay. I've single-handedly ruined the whole thing, I wonder if he'll head back to Virtue now that it is obvious I am a lost case. 

"Let's go this way," He says, I look up curious as to what he's talking about. He's pointing to the right of where we stand; I don't think I've ever walked down that way. I look in doubt, why would he want to go there? Flakes stick to his hair and the collar of his coat, he suddenly looks more boyish. "You're not spooked are you?" He teases, his eyes have mischief again. 

"No." I reply defensively, frowning. I cross my arms and stomp after him. 

"Hey, I'm kidding," He looks at me with soft eyes, smiling a little.  

"I know." I mumble, following him further. Trunks are entwined together, there's hardly any room to move forward and its far quieter here than any other place I have been. He occasionally moves branches out of the way for me when they're too close, or warns me of uprooted trees that I could trip on. After a while, the trail branches out in to another, I have no idea which route he wants to take.