Have I Told You (PUBLISHED)

Epilogue

Epilogue

He lived.

Eisley actually lived. Until now, it feels surreal. He was able to see our baby. I believe a miracle happened. I really thought that night... my birthday... was the last night I would see him.

Four months after I gave birth to our daughter, God took him away from us, but he still lives in my heart. Like I told him before, he's always existed within me.

It's been five years since he's gone, but all the memories are still clear to me; from the day we first met until his last day here on Earth.

The first time he saw our daughter, we both burst out crying. He was too scared to carry her, but after his first time holding her, he wouldn't let her go. I could still hear him saying her name for the first time.

"Sunny," he whispered, tears on the sides of his eyes.

Most of the time, he was the one taking care of her. He'd always stay with us. During Eisley's last months, I can't remember him going out without us or Sunny. Sulit na sulit talaga, pero kahit kailan, hindi naging enough yung time na 'yun. Ang dami kong gustong puntahan at gawin kasama siya at ng anak naming dalawa. 

But what can I do, right? Nothing. Life goes on. I'm still living on this planet. Most importantly, I have a daughter I still feel sorry for not only because she lost a dad, but because she nearly lost her mother as well.

Mas mahirap pala pag nandoon ka na sa sitwasyon na 'yun. Ubos na ubos talaga yung optimism ko noon.

During his last month, machine na lang yung bumubuhay kay Eisley. For me, that was the most painful and devastating experience. Mas masakit pa kaysa noong pinanganak ko si Sunny. Witnessing my husband suffering, but still fighting to live for his family... I felt like I had experienced hell. I questioned God's existence. How could He take my life away from me?

Eventually, I accepted it. Masakit, pero kailangan tanggapin. I'd rather let him go than seeing him like that. "I'm letting you go, Eisley boy. I'll let you be with your mom now." I smiled slightly and weakly. "Baka... Baka sobrang nagseselos na siya kasi ang dami kong kinuhang oras mo." I chuckled, but tears couldn't stop rolling down my cheeks. Hindi na ako makahinga. Pakiramdam ko nga, mamamatay na ako sa sobrang sakit. "You may now spend all your time with her. I don't want you to suffer anymore. You don't deserve this. If there really is God, could you please ask Him why you had to experience this? Anong purpose? Hindi ko kasi maintindihan." Huminga ako nang malalim at yinakap siya. "Have I told you I will always love you? You're my dream come true. Always, Eisley boy."

Just like that, he took a deep breath; his last breath, and a flat line traced across the monitor. Pinili ko pa rin na ako ang mag-asikaso sa lahat kahit halos hindi na ako makagalaw. His doctor even praised me and told me how brave I was. Kung alam lang nilang lahat. Kung wala nga si Sunny, baka sinundan ko na lang yung asawa ko. Wala na ata talagang natirang positivity sa akin noon. It was so unlike me... but that was how I felt.

Evening came, and I chose to be alone with my daughter. I thanked my family and friends for everything, but really, I wanted to be alone. I didn't need comforting words. I didn't even need people.

That night, I could remember my daughter laughing out of the blue. She was inside the crib. While I was watching her as I touched the necklace Eisley gave her, she was giggling. It was like someone was making her laugh on the other side of the crib. She wasn't even looking at her toys. She was giggling... like how she used to when her dad would play with her. She was such a daddy's girl.

I smiled. "Is your dad here? Can you see him? Is he the reason why you're giggling like that, huh?"

I heard and felt the wind blow.