Flooring it. Pedal to the medal. Life in the fast lane.
"JUST TAKE THOSE OLD RECORDS OFF THE SHELF!"
Slight left, not so slight. Skid, skid, skid.
Everything slows, as the car doesn't follow what I told it to do. Instead, the ice on the turn sends me flying into the guardrail. I see every small detail. The ice glistens in the light of my high beams. I glance at the moon, as my car smashes through the guardrail and rolls over and over. Over and over. Then, as stereotypically as can be, everything goes black, like a light switch flicking off or a candle blowing out.
Dark, dark, dark.
I'm not here, but yet, I'm still here. It's like I fade in and out, as if I'm a staticy old television set. I'm not sure where I am, what I am, but everyone I know is crying.
I don't know how long it takes for me to realize it, but eventually, I come to terms with the brutal and biting fact that I'm dead. And I mean, Jacob Marley dead as a doornail dead, dead.
It's heartbreaking to watch my parents mourn, but they still have my sisters, Jody, Carina, and Trisha, and my brothers, Adam, Leo, and Murray. But Dan, Dan doesn't really have anybody.
Well, he has his dad, but they're not close. And I mean, he has friends, but that's not really the same as family or his beloved, long term, recently departed girlfriend.
He needed me. School was hard on him, work was stressful, I was his reprieve.
And now, looking down on him, so sad, barely able to leave his apartment, crying all the time, it hurts me. It hurts me so bad. I just want to wipe away his tears, to help take away his pain.
But I can't.
I try everything to get him to know that I'm here, I'm still here.
I try to haunt him, but my attempts either scare him or go unnoticed. Besides, his momentary attention isn't my goal, anyways.
I want to be his forever, his always, his lover, just like we used to talk about. I know he can't live without me, I know it. He'll just be miserable and drowning in grief, I know he will.
Therefore, there is only one solution that I see.
I make it quick, easy on him, relatively painless. He should be thanking me, really, for how well I pulled it off.
I summon all my strength, all my determination. I come to him, in the night, and press his pillow, my pillow, over his face. Sure, he fights back, but only because he doesn't understand just yet. In time, he'll see. He'll see that I had to do this, that it's for the best.
When life leaves me, I about collapse with exhaustion, but I recover.
I give him some space, like a good girlfriend would. I wait some time, how long, I don't know, until I think that he probably figured it out by now. Came to terms with it, like I did.
Then I find him. It isn't hard, it's like I close my eyes and think hard about seeing him, picture myself standing in front of him, and then I am.
And he's there. In front of me, finally, shades of almost translucent, just like me, but beautiful still, in his special Dan way. His chiseled jaw, his deep brown eyes, his striking dimples, his gracious, unknowingly stunning smile.
It's Dan, and he's finally here with me.
My eyes brim with tears, as I reach out and hold his face in my hands, stroking his soft cheeks.
But then, he pulls away and turns from me, and my heart just about shatters. My bottom lip blubbers and tears start to fall.
"What's wrong, love?" I ask, stepping towards him and placing a hand on his shoulder. I'd give anything to be in his arms, to feel him kiss my forehead and tell me that it's all going to be okay.
But that's not what happens.
"You. You're what's wrong."
I shake my head, none of this making sense. I made it so we could be together, why isn't he grateful?
"What-what do you mean? Babe, I don't understand."
"You fucking murdered me."
His icy words tear straight into my body and rip out my insides. Tears pour down my cheeks, as he takes another step away from me, coiling into himself.
"I did it for us. I thought you'd be happy. Now we can be together forever."
Suddenly, he whips around, and I see that he's fuming. "Alexa! Don't you see what you did to me? You killed me! I had a life, family, friends, a future. You took all of that away from me!"
I grab his hand, but he shakes me off. "You just looked so sad, I thought this was what you wanted. I-I thought I was helping. Dan, please, you have to understand."
"There's nothing to understand, Alexa. You're a murderer, plain and simple. It doesn't matter the motive, it's still murder. And I'll forgive you."
"Dan-"
"Never."
And with that, he's gone.
And I'm left here, in this cold and unforgiving place, alone.
We're born alone, and we die alone, I was stupid to think any different, I guess.
I guess death should have done us part, because everything's eventual and nothing golden every stays.
